Darkest Daylight
by MiniBrunette
Summary: He stripped me of everything I'd ever had, made my own reflection unrecognizable, and turned hope into poisonous reality. Peter Pan was a monster, but that didn't mean I was going to cooperate. Dark!Pan, contains swearing and mature themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! *twiddles thumbs nervously* So I've basically fallen in love with the evil little shit that is OUaT's Peter Pan (Robbie Kay needs all the awards). I like the character as a completely evil self-serving bastard though, so that's what this story is going to focus on. Don't expect any reformation-though-love by the end, that won't happen. (I'm not ruling out happy endings, just very fluffy ones.) **

**This chapter is very short as it's basically an introduction; longer ones will come later! I hope you like it! ^.^ **

* * *

Getting out of bed on the Thursday before my finals was the most dangerous thing I'd ever done.

First of all, I was nearly run over. Some crazy woman with hair curlers decided that swerving her pastel yellow Beetle while drinking her non fat vanilla one shot of pretentious bitch latte was more important than looking at the road. After that, an old bookshelf in my college library waited until I was passing by to have a fainting spell. Like gee, can't you wait for any living thing to get out of range before you collapse? After a lengthy (and useless) detour to the college nurse I spilled my cup of coffee all over myself at lunch, and, more importantly, all over my notes. So with a few choice swear words in mind, I headed to my friend's dorm to ask for her copy of my history professor's lecture. These nearly blew away in the wind five minutes after I'd retrieved them, and by the time I finally got home for dinner I was furious with every particle of the universe.

Too angry to turn on the lights, I threw myself onto a bar stool in frustration. What kind of screwed up thing had I done to the world to deserve this kind of treatment during _finals week_? I gingerly massaged my temples and rested my elbows on the counter.

"Somebody get me the hell out of here…"

_Really, getting out of this place won't help you with your future any,_ my rationale reminded me. _You _like_ college, remember? And where would you go, anyway – Neverland? Narnia? _

I laughed into the quiet darkness, "Well, I don't really want an escape plan, but at least a free pass for good grades this semester." One couldn't throw around wishes like that - the universe was always listening. I winced as I remembered my bad luck with apples.

After microwaving a pizza and glaring blearily at my history notes until two in the morning, I decided that my professor could stuff it where the sun doesn't shine and headed upstairs to sleep.

* * *

A strange rustling woke me just before dawn. I frowned sleepily at my disorganized room, and, upon finding nothing out of place, curled into my blankets again. The streetlamp outside cast a strange hovering shadow on the wall. I would've been unnerved by it's human-like appearance if my feet hadn't been so damn cold… Why did I decide to leave the window open?

Wait.

The window was open? I never left the window open. My pulse flared in a momentary stab of panic.

_Must just be pre-finals jitters,_ I finally decided, calming my racing heart. I clambered to the window and closed it tightly before stumbling back to my bed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

* * *

"A girl? He hasn't brought one here in ages!"

"What does it matter? They never stay long anyway."

"Quiet! Pan will take care of her soon enough."

"She looks kind of old..."

"Ugh…" I blinked my eyes open to a wall of brown. A… moving… wall of brown. Wait, no. Those were legs.

Legs?!

I shot upright and regretted the decision immediately. "Oh, jesus." My vision swam. Did someone drug me last night? I didn't remember going to any parties…

Someone yanked me up harshly by the arm.

"Oh, good. You're awake." The eerie monotone of the boy's voice did nothing to quell my rising panic. I struggled against him.

"Do try to cooperate," he said evenly, tightening his grip on my arm. "Pan may value stubbornness, but I do not." He shifted the lethal-looking club on his shoulder. With a small choke I stumbled backwards, only to nearly collide with the dangerous guy as he yanked me back to him.

"Come on," he muttered and began to walk.

I stumbled after my captor in a daze as the sinister procession led me into the surrounding jungle.

* * *

**Any of you feel like leaving me a review? Please? ...No? Well okay then. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Told ya the second chapter would be longer :] Enjoy! **

* * *

Loud. Why was everything so loud?

I could hear the footsteps of each boy as he crunched through the leaves underfoot. I could hear the swish of blades through the foliage. I could hear my captor's breathing.

And there was pounding… Did someone have a drum? How could they keep hitting that thing for so long? It was so loud – why wouldn't it stop –

With a startled jerk I realized it was my own heartbeat.

_I have to get out of here_.

My captor jerked me forward and I caught a flash of a long scar on his cheek as his hood shifted. That definitely didn't look friendly.

_Breathe. Deep breaths. Come on. Focus. _Think!

I tried to take in my surroundings. Wherever I was, it wasn't close to home. The trees, the ground, even the air was different, and I couldn't hear any cars. That meant I was far away from any highways and it would most likely take me at least a good portion of a day to reach any sort of road.

_Good god, where the hell are we? _

Even if I did have enough strength to reach civilization, I had to get away from this mob first. My captor Club Guy had a weapon, but what about the rest of them? My mouth soured as my gaze swept over maybe half a dozen boys – _young_ boys, maybe fourteen? fifteen? – armed with knives and spears.

_Hoooooly shit. _

And they were young boys, too. Some of them had scars just like Club Guy – on their faces, on their arms… one of the boys even had a limp. They were fighters.

This group looked lethal.

_Not running away anytime soon, then._

I trudged along and prayed for some sort of distraction that would let me sprint off into the forest.

_Yeah, in your too-long sweatpants and bright red tshirt. That'll work well for speed and camouflage_.

I was going to die in my pajamas.

* * *

The sun had started to set by the time Club Guy finally stopped our macabre little troupe.

He came to a halt so suddenly that I nearly tripped over myself. We seemed to be in some sort of clearing just off the side of a cliff, encircled by trees. A campfire surrounded by logs burned in the middle of the camp, dazzlingly bright in the darkness of the forest. Tents dotted the space and I noted with some surprise that several of them supported treehouses as high as thirty feet up. The entire area seemed to pulse with shadow and only the darkest daylight filtered down through the whispering leaves above.

Everyone appeared to be waiting for something.

_Or someone_, I realized with a terrified jolt. A figure emerged from the trees, its inky black silhouette tall and proud as its owner walked in front of the fire.

_Oh god this is their boss isn't it. Please don't let it be their bo- _Hello.

I tried to keep my breathing even as an attractive teenager stepped toward us. More than attractive – he was stunning. Ruffled brown hair, pale skin, mischievous smile… Just what I needed to help me think on my feet in a life or death situation. I was probably going to stare at him until I died.

"Back early, I see," the boy drawled.

_Oh, god._

If I didn't think I was doomed _before_ he started speaking, then I was certainly a goner now. He said something about a hunt but all my mind could process was his breathy voice and British accent. This guy could read me the phone book and I'd still want to jump him.

Some sort of dialogue went back and forth between my captor and the sexy British guy but their words went completely over my head. I focused on the newcomer, the low notes of his voice a soothing welcome. I had slipped into a kind of dazed stupor by the time Sexy British Guy finally turned his attention to me.

"Another one?"

_Does he mean me? _I thought hazily.

"How'd she get here?" a boy called out.

"Yeah, we never get girls!" yelled another.

My fear came flooding back along with my senses. _Who's 'we'?_

Sexy British Guy raised his hands in a placating gesture. "As you know, my shadow's been rather disobedient lately. I've tried to get it to cooperate, but for the most part it's resulted in a lot of…" he eyed me. "Unwanted deliveries."

_Shadow?_

A murmur of recollection traveled through the crowd but SBG didn't seem to be paying the boys any attention. Instead, his eyes flickered to mine and he surveyed me with dangerous interest.

"What's your name?"

I licked my lips nervously. "Sarah."

"Sarah," he said after a moment's thought.

_Please say my name again_.

"And… how old are you Sarah?" he raised an eyebrow, running his tongue along the edge of his teeth.

I tried not to stare at his mouth for too long.

"Nineteen."

His second eyebrow joined the first in his surprise. "Really? Well, I suppose we can't all…" his gaze dropped to my chest and he smirked, "mature at the same rate."

I bristled. _Why is it that the pretty ones are always dicks? _

He seemed to find my reaction amusing because his smirk widened into a grin, serving to only make him more attractive. I fought to shake the thoughts of what I wanted to do to him from my mind.

I silently cursed Sexy British Guy._ I'm supposed to be escaping, not ogling!_

"Where the hell am I?" I demanded.

SBG appeared to have lost interest. "Neverland."

"Neverland." I couldn't believe my ears. "You're trying to tell me that I'm on _Neverland_?"

_What kind of drugs is this guy taking?_

"Peter Pan," SBG said with a mocking bow. "At your service."

I was pretty sure my eyes were going to fall out of my head. "Oh, no. Oh nonononono." I tried backing away but only hit the chest of the scary blond guy who'd dragged me here.

_I'm stuck with a bunch of psychos_.

"You're not Peter Pan," I said slowly, suddenly worried for my safety again. "You're insane."

SBG was watching me like I was prime time entertainment. "Oh," he said. "But I am. And these," he spread his arms out, "are my Lost Boys!"

As if on cue, the group around me let out a cacophony of crazed shouts.

"You're all on drugs," I said shakily, trying to back away around Club Guy. "You're all just on some kind of-" My voice died in a quiet choke and I stared in horrified fascination at SBG's feet.

_I can't be seeing this. There's no way that I'm seeing this. They drugged me. They had to. Oh god, I'm going to end up an addict. _

"Your shadow," I choked out. "You don't have a shadow."

"Of course I don't. I need someone to do my dirty work, don't I?"

I tried to wrench my gaze away from the ground but my eyes wouldn't obey. The smirk in his voice was audible anyway.

"You're really him, aren't you," I swallowed thickly. "You're Peter Pan." I couldn't believe what I was saying.

_This is nuts. I need therapy_. _I so, so need therapy._

Someone grabbed my arm and I belatedly realized that I was shaking. The contact snapped me out of my daze and I locked my terrified eyes on the boy in front of me.

Peter Pan swept his arms out again and leered at me with a predatory grin. "Welcome to Neverland."

I hoped my whimper was inaudible.

Silence settled over the clearing and after several moments the Lost Boy next to me started walking forward as if to speak to his leader. This was it. This was the end.

"But you're not ten," I suddenly blurted. All eyes in the clearing fell on me, shocked that I would dare address their leader out of turn.

The Lost Boys held their breath as Peter Pan raised an amused eyebrow. "No, I'm rather older than that, I think." He laughed at what seemed to be an inside joke.

Peter Pan leveled me with a cold look that made my protests die in my throat. My mouth, however, still seemed to be capable of idiotic conversation.

"But you can't be Peter Pan!"

His eyes flashed dangerously as he bit out, "Oh? And why is that?"

_Might as well finish what you've started. _

"You're not ginger! Or in tights!" I felt intensely nauseated by the idea and added, "thanks for that, by the way."

"Ginger? What ever gave you that idea?" He stretched himself up to his full height, cold eyes glimmering. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach as I recognized his expression.

Those were the eyes of a madman.

The malicious glint in his eyes never wavered. Peter Pan looked at me like he was considering which way he ought to flay me alive. "You'll find things are very different than what you've been told in your stories, _Sarah_. Felix, take our guest to her accommodations. I'll deal with her in the morning."

* * *

The 'Accommodations' turned out to be a bamboo cage that hung precariously in the air. Scar, the aforementioned Felix, threw me inside without preamble and practically slammed the door in my face. I quickly discovered that while the cage may have looked fragile, it was actually quite sturdy and wouldn't break under my best efforts. (I really, _really_ shouldn't have stopped doing sports in college.) Angered by this new development, I spent the next half hour screaming profanities at anyone who came near me. Eventually the Lost Boys grew tired of my insults and just left me alone. Serves them bloody right.

I had now spent what I guessed was about two hours in this godforsaken prison and if Pan's words were anything to go by I would be in here for at least another twelve. I groaned, letting my head fall back and hit the bamboo bars. I was in a cage. _Peter fucking Pan_, supposed ginger heartthrob of seven-year-old girls everywhere, put me in a fucking _cage_. So much for gorgeous boys with wonderful accents.

_Maybe I should just forsake the male species and become a nun_.

Birds chirped somewhere in the foliage, and if I hadn't just been taken prisoner I would have found the location soothing. The adrenaline had almost entirely vanished from my system leaving me exhausted and with very, very sore feet. I was incredibly glad I couldn't feel anything on my march here because trekking through the forest barefoot was probably an inordinately painful experience for someone accustomed to converse.

_At least when I get out of this I'll be able to say I got a healthy dose of nature. _

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way," I sighed, picking at the bars of the cage. "Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A."

A wayward crow disturbed the overgrown vegetation above me as I watched the last light of day fade from the treetops. Soon the night sky would be home to animals that chose to hunt in the darkness rather than in the light, just like the boy I'd encountered earlier. A menacing image of Pan flashed in my mind and I gave a revolted shudder.

'_Friends'. Focus on 'Friends'._

"It's like you're always stuck in second gear… when it hasn't been your day -" I snorted derisively, murmuring the rest of the lyrics. "Your week, your month, or even your year…"

I supposed I had better things to be doing than singing the _Friends_ theme, but it was the only thing keeping me from a complete mental breakdown at this point.

"I will be there for you, when the rain starts to pour," I sang, tapping my foot idly. "I will be there for you, like I've been there before…"

Immersing myself in a familiar tune lowered my racing pulse somewhat and I relaxed against the bars, thinking that maybe I could sleep tonight after all. I just needed to sing some more. Enlightened by this realization I began singing anything I could think of. Show themes, tunes from my childhood, songs I heard on the radio…

I was halfway through my disturbingly dramatic rendition of Katy Perry's "Firework" when a voice from below interrupted me.

"Shut up!" a Lost Boy yelled. Pan must've sent him to check up on me and the guy was clearly not impressed with my voice. I sang louder just to spite him.

"Cause baby you're a fire work!" I hollered, not even bothering to try and hit a single note. "Come on let yo- ow! Fuck!" The little shit threw a rock at me! Who does that?! I was amazed he could even throw that far, I must've been twenty or thirty feet up.

"Next time it'll be an arrow," he threatened.

"I thought Pan didn't want me skewered," I yelled back at him. "You'll be the dead one if you kill me." _Oh, I hope Pan told them not to kill me._

"I didn't say it'd kill you. But I'm betting it'll hurt so bad you'd wish it did."

I stayed silent for the rest of the night.

* * *

**Questions? Comments? Grievances? Leave me a review, darlings! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Some Pan/Sarah interaction and angry internal monologuing in this one. Enjoy! **

* * *

The morning brought new miseries.

One of them was food - or rather, the lack of it. If my assumptions were correct and I had spent a good portion of my first day in Neverland passed out, then this meant I hadn't eaten in at least twenty-four hours. My stomach gave a pathetic groan.

Trying to stifle my growing nausea, I shifted my uncomfortable position. The welts in my legs from the bars of my prison only reminded me of my second problem: _I was in a fucking cage_.

I had been too stunned to process anything properly last night. The stress coupled with Pan's alluring but horrifying demeanor had almost fooled me into hoping that maybe this was just one awful nightmare. But no, my body screamed in protest as I tried to move around in my cell. It felt like my legs had physically melted through the bars overnight like some kind of demented silly putty.

_What a lovely image_.

A Lost Boy yelled something up at me but I hardly heard it; staying outside in nothing but sweatpants and a tshirt didn't lend itself to rest. I'd gotten maybe a total of an hour's sleep in between all the shivering. My brain felt like it was underwater and everything looked like some crazy green kaleidoscope. The bars of the cage certainly didn't help with this.

My whole world tilted sideways and it took me a moment to process that it was just the swaying of the cage as it lowered.

_Didn't Peter Pan say something about 'dealing with me' in the morning?_

Okay, now I really wanted to vomit.

My cage hit the ground with a thud and I took the moment of respite to get my nausea and dizziness under control. Emptying the meager contents of my stomach all over Pan would probably result in some highly painful disembowelment. Why couldn't he just be a nice guy that I could ogle without feeling guilty or scared for my life?

_Oh yeah, cause he's make-believe and supposed to be ten. _

Someone ripped the cage door open and I crawled out on all fours, not even bothering to stand. My legs screamed in protest every time I tried to straighten them and the ground looked so nice… Maybe I could sleep on it.

"Oh no you don't," a voice muttered and someone yanked me up sharply by the collar. I choked for air and the muscles in my legs burned with pain. The Lost Boy shoved me and I stumbled forward, limping pathetically to wherever he was taking me.

Eventually the pain in my legs subsided and five minutes later I found myself in a small clearing just to the side of the main camp. The whole place looked too awash with golden sunshine to be part of this nightmare of an island. A purple butterfly fluttered past my face and I squinted at it sleepily. My body ached for caffeine.

"Thank you, Parker. You may leave us."

_Great. _

Peter Pan sent a Cheshire cat grin my way. "Good morning, Sarah."

"You!" I pointed an accusatory finger at him, trying to glare though my sleepless haze. "You put me in a fucking cage!"

His smile brightened. "Did I?"

"_Yes!_ Why the fuck would you do that?! What the hell kind of a person does that?!"

Pan raised an eyebrow, apparently finding my angry outburst amusing.

"Anything else?" he asked casually.

"Yeah. Can you take me home now?"

I wasn't an idiot. I knew he didn't need - or want - me here. There was absolutely no reason for me to stay on this goddamn island.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Sarah." He sounded almost apologetic.

"What?" I squeaked. "Why? I can just go with your shadow and-"

"I could let you go with my shadow, yes," he mused. "But I'm afraid I just don't feel like it." Pan bared his teeth in a leering grin.

I was vaguely aware of my mouth forming words. "You – you – _you don't fucking feel like it?!_"

I could overlook my accidental kidnapping. Hell, I could probably even forgive him for stuffing me in a cage. But refusing to take me home just because he didn't _feel like it_?

"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" I exploded. "You didn't even want to fucking kidnap me! I shouldn't be here! I don't _want_ to be here! So why don't you just pull your head out of your ass and _take me the fuck home!_"

The pleasant expression Pan adopted didn't waver. "Straight to anger, then," he observed. "I must admit I expected more begging."

"You thought I would fucking _beg _you?!"

He flexed his hands and tutted. "Now, now. You should watch your language. There's really no need for such hostility."

"_No need for hostility?_" I would have tried to punch him if I hadn't been so terrified.

"It's like a game," he said. "You try to impress me before I kill you. Do well and it'll be quick, painless. But if you do badly, well…"

The casual tone of his voice disturbed me. "Y-you can't be serious! That's sick!"

"Now if you'd begged like a good girl," Pan continued, talking as if to a child, "I would have simply ripped out your shadow. Do you know what happens to someone when they lose their shadow, Sarah?"

My heart thudded in my ears as he strolled toward me and I began backing up, bravado gone. "Nothing good?"

"No," he chuckled, eyes alight. His face dropped from laughing to deadly in an instant. "Nothing good. They always scream."

I squeaked as my back hit a tree. Pan was still walking towards me, his posture almost careless but his eyes chillingly empty.

"But as it is," he hissed, coming to a stop inches in front of me. "You get the nicer option."

I stared at him with wide eyes, immobilized with fear.

Pan placed his hands on either side of my head and leaned in close. "Do you want to know what that is?" he murmured.

Oh god, his voice. I'd hoped my hormones would take a day off, but no.

His breath fanned over my face and I belatedly realized that I was staring at his mouth. I could just lean up and kiss him -

"You know," he mused, abandoning his previous track of thought, "most people are relieved when they find out I'm not going to rip out their shadow."

He licked his lips and I found myself desperately wanting to know what he tasted like. Pan must have taken my lack of response as defiance because his outwardly pleasant demeanor flashed back to violent.

"So insolent," he hissed threateningly. "I can still rip out your shadow, you know. Do you _want_ me to make you scream?"

I gasped, but instead of the 'no' I was expecting the word that came out of my mouth was "Yes."

Pan and I both froze in shock. I felt my face burn as I stood there horrified, praying he didn't hear me.

Several beats of silence passed before he purred, "Oh? Is that what you want?"

I was too mortified to come up with an answer.

He laughed gleefully. "I was planning on just snapping your neck, but oh, this is even better."

Pan pulled back slightly so that we were face to face.

"You can't go home but… Is there something else that you want?" he breathed.

My eyes immediately fell to his lips. The corner of his mouth twitched upward, exposing one pale incisor as he smirked. I jerked as he raised a hand to stroke my cheek.

"No," Pan said thoughtfully, tilting his head to the side. "I think I'll keep you."

He pushed himself away from the tree and grabbed my arm, pulling me after him.

"Felix!" he called once we'd entered the camp. "It seems that Sarah will be staying with us after all."

Felix raised his eyebrows as an amused smile stretched his mouth. "Will she be?"

Pan shoved me forward. "See to it that she has somewhere to rest."

"What, no cage?" I bit out at him, finally having found my voice. He'd nearly kissed me! After saying that he wanted to kill me! I was ready to murder that bastard in his sleep.

"I treat my Lost Ones better than that." The glint in Peter Pan's eyes made me wish he'd just snapped my neck earlier. Then at least my end would be quick and painless, a far cry from what his look promised.

"Lost One? What? No! Let go of me!" I thrashed as Felix grabbed me from behind.

The last thing I saw was Pan nodding at Felix before I felt pressure on my neck and everything went dark.

* * *

My eyes opened to blackness. Startled, I shot up and banged my head against something behind me.

"Fuck!" I swore and immediately clapped my hands over my mouth.

_Shit, it's nighttime, gotta be quiet._ _Eugh, my mouth feels gross. What the hell?_

I made a face and turned around cautiously to feel for the object that I'd collided with. My hands connected with bark and I realized that I must be outside. I frowned.

_But I'm not freezing like I was last night…_

I felt around the cot until my hands came in contact with some kind of woolen material. "Well at least they gave me blankets this time," I muttered.

I nestled back into the blanket and leaned against the tree, peering up at the few stars I could see through the black foliage. My panic rose like sour bile and I concentrated on my breathing, trying to prevent a panic attack. The last thing I needed right now was one of those. As I sat counting my breaths, a tempting idea wormed its way into my mind.

_I wonder if I can murder Pan in his sleep? Hm. I'll have to find out where he sleeps then. _Does_ he even sleep? God, he's such a creep that I wouldn't put it past him to not actually- _

I blanched.

_Oh god, what am I thinking. Murder _Peter Pan_? Childhood hero of many? Not to mention ridding the world of such an attractive guy would definitely be a loss… _

Then again, I really wanted to punch said attractive guy in the face. I couldn't even manage to slap anyone though; how could I be expected to carry out murder?

_Doesn't mean I can't plan it out in excruciating detail, _I thought acidly.

Half of those scenarios ended with me and Pan against a tree in various positions.

_Now is not the time to be fantasizing about angry make-outs_, I reprimanded myself. _He's basically confessed to kidnapping me at this point. And he wanted to kill me! _

My face turned beet red as I realized that the only reason I was still alive was because I basically confessed to wanting to jump him, but in not so many words. Apparently all I needed was _one_ word to make a complete fool out of myself. I was insanely attracted to a psychopath, and now said psychopath knew.

I groaned. Oh god, _he knew_.

Judging by my two encounters with the power-hungry idiot, I was never going to hear the end of this.

I moved my legs off the cot and almost squeaked as I felt them knock into something. Taking extra care to balance myself in the darkness I reached down and picked up what felt like a cup.

_Oh, thank god. My mouth feels like it's made of sandpaper_._ And here I thought everyone was always exaggerating…_

I sipped the water slowly and contemplated the chilling idea that Pan really did want me alive. He wouldn't have left the water otherwise.

I considered just sneaking away from the camp, but what good would that do? I couldn't hunt, I didn't know which berries were poisonous… I grimaced. Speaking of which, I _still _hadn't eaten. There wasn't any food next to the cup of watcher and I'd checked – twice. Make that two bloody days without food. I'd be dead by next week at this rate. Even if Pan didn't intend for me to die he sure as hell didn't want me in the best shape possible. That thought scared me even more.

I slipped off the cot carefully, tugging my blanket around my shoulders. Alright, time to raid the campsite.

_Assuming I can find it in this darkness. Fuck, did Pan turn out the moon?_

I snorted. "Probably."

Clutching my blanket tightly, I shuffled across the ground.

"Fuck!" I swore for the second time in a half hour as I ran face-first into an invisible barrier.

_This is why you hold your hands out, Sarah._ _Wait. Did that creep cast a spell to keep me in place?! _

I threw myself back onto the cot, enraged. Great, so I was a fucking caged animal. I might as well be put in a zoo since they seem to have so few females around here.

"I am so going to smash his face in," I seethed.

_He may have me confined but he sure as hell won't have me cooperate. _

From what I could remember of the past day's haze, Pan didn't mention having any use for me other than… 'entertainment.' He didn't even mention that, really, but his leering grin said enough. I set my jaw.

_He thinks I want to sleep with him? Well he's got another thing coming. _

Good looks or not, I wouldn't let him so much as kiss me. Oh, I still thought him attractive, but the guy was fully intent on murdering me just this morning simply because I was on Neverland by _accident_. I didn't care what he wanted from me, I wasn't going to give it to him.

I stifled a yawn behind my fist and curled up on the cot to sleep, resolve curling through my blood. I may be powerless and as lethal as a baby badger, but I could still fight back.

_Maybe he'll force me to scrub the treehouse floors_, I thought vacantly as sleep pulled at my thoughts. _Then I could be like Cinderella and throw my glass slipper at his face. _

I was going to give Peter Pan hell, one teensy bit at a time.

* * *

**Please leave a review darlings, they're what keeps me writing! :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Quite a long chapter this time! Lots of Felix in this one ^.^ ****And oh yeah, I don't own anything except Sarah. Thanks for the lovely reviews guys, they mean a lot! **

**(LyrisaLove- oh my god I really don't deserve that compliment but thank you! *insert heart here because this website doesn't like typed hearts*****) **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

"Wake up."

"Nnnnngh. Go 'way." I shuffled further into the sanctuary of my warm blanket.

"Up!"

Cold air slammed into me as someone ripped the blanket away. I squinted up at the Lost Boy with disdain.

"What the hell, dude? Did Pan make sleeping illegal?" I reached for my blanket but he took a step back.

"Pan wants you at breakfast."

I lurched upwards and nearly slammed into the Lost Boy. "Food! Where?!"

He eyed me warily but pointed me to the center of camp nonetheless. I rubbed my eyes as I made my way to the cluster of boys passing out bowls of some sort of porridge.

_They have grain in this place?_

A firm hand clasped my shoulder. "Not another step, girl."

I turned around and narrowed my eyes at Club Guy. Some dim part of my brain reminded me that he had a name but I was hungry and eager to throw out insults. "Oh? Why not? I thought I was supposed to be kept alive, not starving to death."

His grip tightened. "Unless you want to up any food you eat," Felix said evenly, "then you'll come with me. Pan has specific instructions for your first day here."

"I'm still gonna eat, right?" I asked suspiciously.

Felix looked like he was fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "Yes."

"Then lead the way."

Felix pulled me to the far side of camp closest to the cliff and sat down on a tree stump. He pulled out his knife before gesturing at the ground noncommittally. "Your food's there."

I stared at a bowl of berries near my feet. He couldn't possibly be serious. "That's _it?_"

He didn't respond.

"I feel like I could eat a horse right now and this is all you're giving me?" I exclaimed. "Unbelievable."

"Pan's orders," Felix drawled, whittling a stick and looking as though he was about to pass out from boredom.

"Is this the same Pan that said he treats his 'Lost Ones' well because if he thinks that starving someone-"

"Are you planning on eating that or are you just going to talk my ears off?"

I snatched the bowl off the ground angrily and stalked away to a nearby tree. My guard watched me with disinterest. After scarfing down my meager breakfast I had to admit that while Pan was still a dick his decision to regulate my food intake was a good one. My stomach was already starting to feel queasy and I'd only eaten several handfuls of berries. Didn't I read something about how you're supposed to eat very little if you've starved or something? I figured two days without any kind of sustenance had to qualify. I stared at the wooden bowl in my hands and wondered if I should give it back to Felix. Throwing it at him seemed tempting and I contemplated exactly how much I could get away with now that Pan wanted me alive. However any kind of assumption regarding Pan's behavior was dangerous; I'd gathered that much the first time I witnessed one of his mood swings.

_Mood swings doesn't even begin to cover it,_ I groused. _They're more like mood flashes._ _These poor kids should be given a medal for just surviving this long with him, 'taking care of Lost Ones' be damned_. _He wants me alive for now, but what about a week from now? A month? Oh god, what if he gets bored? _

I took a deep breath and tried to sort out my priorities.

_Okay. Firstly, stay on his good side. Try to keep your autonomy but avoid cages and never turn down food_. I eyed my empty bowl sourly.

_I have no idea how the other Lost Boys will act towards me, so I'll have to see about that. Not sure how much of a lap dog Felix is but he might have an even shorter fuse than Pan, if that's possible. Okay, okay. Calm. Recap: goal number one, keep yourself alive even if it requires giving Pan what he wants, or making it look like I'm giving him what he wants. Yeah, the latter would be preferable. Goal number two, figure out whom I can trust. That's easy enough, right? Just snoop on the younger boys or something, figure out who else doesn't want to be here. Goal number three: Get the hell off of this damn island. That'll probably require magic, wouldn't it? Shit, how do I get that? _

"Felix!"

My internal rant interrupted, I turned towards the source of the voice and my priorities rearranged themselves as soon as I saw who was striding towards us. Pan didn't look happy. I doubted he ever did but the look on his face was terrifying. I silently applauded Felix for his courage (or possibly stupidity) as I inconspicuously tried to edge around my tree. Screw being nice to him; running was starting to look much more effective at prolonging my existence.

"What is it, Pan?" Felix put away his knife.

"The western tribe is causing trouble again."

I stopped my movements, suddenly interested. There were others on the island?

"I want you to send out a group of my boys to gather information," Pan continued. When he didn't receive an immediate response he added, "Now is a good time as any, Felix."

"I'm not going with them?"

"No," Pan said, turning his gaze to where I was pressed up against the tree. "You'll be taking care of her."

"I see." Felix looked so repulsed by the idea that I was surprised his voice retained its usual monotone.

_How does he keep himself in check like that?_

I waved, hoping the expression on my face was enough to convey some sort of apology. I wasn't exactly thrilled to be spending my day with him either. Still, my dear friend Felix the Club Guy was better than Pan.

"What would you have me do with her?" Felix asked with what I presumed was distaste.

'_Do with me?' I'm not a doll! _

Pan shrugged and turned to leave. "I'm sure you'll think of something."

"Well isn't this lovely," I said flatly after Pan was out of earshot. "What does he want us to do, make daisy chains?"

Felix stared at me for a long time. I imagined he was composing himself. Without a single word he stalked towards me and steered me roughly by the shoulder back to the center of camp. I felt like a puppet. My previous indignation at Pan's flippant dismissal of me flashed through my mind and I glared at the ground, trying to will away my situation. As much as I tried to act otherwise, I was a doll and this was Pan's hellish tea party.

Five minutes later I found myself standing behind Felix as he dispatched the previously mentioned group of boys to do Pan's bidding. The display of authority confirmed my suspicions- I was stuck with the devil's right hand man. As it turned out said right hand man wasn't intent on putting off what I presumed to be his duties just to babysit a petulant female. After sending the group of boys on their way Felix hauled me into the forest without any explanation. I wondered if I'd have to get used to being kept in the dark like this all the time. Probably. The thought that Pan wanted me alive was the only thing standing between Felix and my permanent silence. I imagined that knocking me out seemed very tempting for him right now. But hey, I needed to know where we were going, especially if he was brandishing his club like that and I was completely unarmed. What if an angry animal jumped out at me from the bushes or something?

"Come on, can't you at least tell me what we're doing out here?"

Silence.

"Felix. Dude. It's like you're allergic to speaking or something."

More silence.

"If you answer me I'll shut up."

"We're going to collect Dreamshade sap," Felix answered almost immediately, not even sparing a glance in my direction.

_Oh, okay. Recon mission then. Wait. What?_

"Dreamshade? What the hell is a Dreamshade?"

Felix fixed me with such a cold look that the remainder of my questions died in my throat. We continued walking in silence.

Befriending Felix (or at least getting on his good side, as I doubted a guy like that would be keen on making friends) seemed to be the best option in prolonging my survival. Having an ally who was that far up the food chain would most likely ensure that I'd be kept under more or less good conditions. Plus I was stuck with him for what was probably going to be the whole day and I didn't fancy spending such a long time bickering with someone. I needed to focus my energy elsewhere, like that tribe Pan had been talking about.

"What's this 'western tribe' you guys are spying on? Should I be looking out for poisoned arrows?"

_Sound intelligent,_ I reminded myself. _If you're going to keep talking, at least make it worth his time_. _Shit, why am I thinking like he's worth _my _time? _I hated captor/captured dynamics.

"They don't visit this side of the island," was all Felix volunteered on the subject.

I sighed. He really wasn't the talkative type, was he? The two of us exited the jungle and continued our trek along a narrow ridge strewn with rocks. Uncooperative companion or not, I suddenly felt like hugging Felix for acquiring my footwear. Once Mr. Sunshine realized he'd have to tow me along on his mission he ordered one of the boys to find me a suitable pair of boots. This was a feat in and of itself, I mused, since my feet were rather small and the camp's population consisted of, well, boys. But they seemed to fit and my feet hadn't started hurting yet, which I took as a good sign.

Making peace with Felix's decision to be a terrible conversation partner, I turned my attention towards the scenery. We were rather high up and I could see the jungle slope downwards between two ridges down into a wide beach. A stream ran through the steep valley and fanned out into the azure waters in a small delta. I really wished I had a camera. This place looked like paradise.

"We don't have all day."

With a start I realized that I'd stopped moving to gawk at the landscape. "I, um, right."

"You'll have plenty of time to get used to view," Felix informed me in what was probably the only non-abrasive comment I'd heard from him all day. I glanced at him in surprise to find him watching the land breathe, the eerie expression for once absent from his face. I filed the information away for later use.

"Come on." He started walking again.

The remaining portion of our trek was, regrettably, uphill. I was wheezing after the first ten minutes and by the time we finally reached our destination I was convinced that I was going to die. If Felix hadn't handed me a canteen of water I suspected that I _would _have died. My heart couldn't handle all this strain – the only physical activity I ever did was running to classes. I reflected on my poor life choices as I collapsed next to a gnarly bush.

"What?" I gasped out. Felix was staring at the space between my face and the plant as though it was some kind of rabid animal.

"We're here," he said.

"Oh?" I huffed. "That's nice, cause I sure as hell am not doing any more walking." I turned to look at the plant I'd collapsed under. Was this it? "So what do you need Dreamshade for?"

"It's a deadly poison," Felix said nonchalantly. "Can kill a grown man within half an hour if he's not careful."

I raised my eyebrows. "Sheesh, way to be peaceful. What's it look like?"

Felix gestured to the bush not two inches away from my face, almost smirking. "Like that."

I leaned away from the dangerous plant with a grimace. "Lovely." However, standing up proved to be more trouble than I anticipated and I fell over again. The rocky ground sliced my hand and I hissed in pain.

"Are you sure you don't want to fall in face first and save us all the trouble?" Felix drawled.

I glared at him. "As tempting as that sounds, I quite like living, thanks."

He pulled out a glass vial from his cloak and held it under one of the many thorns of the plant. Dark liquid oozed into the bottle, looking more like ink than poison. Felix waited until the bottle was almost full before corking it and slipping it back into his cloak.

"We have what we came for."

"We're leaving already?" I whined, not even bothering to restore any kind of dignity. "We've hardly been here five minutes!"

Felix didn't pay me any attention and started back down the path to camp.

"Fine," I yelled after him. "But you're carrying my dead body back to Pan!"

* * *

The walk back to camp was even more tedious than the hike to the Dreamshade. Felix remained as stoic as ever and I was incredibly bored. This was a bit of a problem as having nothing on my mind only sent my thoughts spiraling into absolute chaos. Now that I had no more information to absorb the reality of my situation began weighing down on me again. I was stuck on a goddamn island with Peter Pan and he wanted to use me as a whore. No, not even that. Whores got paid.

I thought about running. Felix didn't have a bow and arrows with him, just his club and some sort of knife. The chances of him hitting me seemed pretty slim. Still, what would I do out in the jungle? I could take my chances and go looking for this so-called 'western tribe' but I didn't know the size of the island or its topography. I could get myself stuck in a bog or attacked by some demonic monkey. Pan would probably catch me within an hour, anyway, if he didn't leave me out there to die. At least at the camp I was provided food (some, at least) and a place to sleep. I wondered how long that would last.

Pan wanted to sleep with me, sure, but what if it was a one-time thing? Or what if he got bored of me after a month? I may have been the only woman at camp but that held no weight in helping predict a psychopath's actions. At least if he wanted kids I'd have a nine-month license. I couldn't help but be relieved that Pan had no interest in the matter. He hadn't said anything of course, but someone like him was far from family material - it wasn't difficult to make the connections. Of course there was always the option of him only keeping me around for the sole purpose of boosting his ego, but given his actions that seemed unlikely. My resolution to not sleep with him suddenly seemed incredibly stupid. If anything, flat-out resistance would probably get me killed faster. As much as I wanted to remain resolute in my pride this really wasn't the time nor place for it – survival took precedence. Fuck feminism – that shit may be good in the twenty first century but not on Neverland when I had a knife at my throat. Besides, I'd rather be humiliated and alive than proud of my actions and dead.

There was no avoiding Pan's getting bored of me I decided as Felix and I descended from the ridge, but there _was_ a way to postpone the inevitable. I would have to sleep with him eventually, that much was obvious – but I could still string him along as long as possible. Maybe I'd be able to play coy for a week or two, a month if I was lucky. That way if he grew tired of me after… after what I'd have to do, I'd still have those extra one to four weeks of living. That meant another one to four weeks to get out. That brought me back to my original problem. I needed allies.

Felix and I trudged into the jungle.

Making allies with my companion seemed out of the question – at least for now. I had to start slow. Maybe one of the newer lost boys? Or some that didn't completely agree with Pan? There had to be someone in that camp who wanted to go home as much as I did. Couldn't these boys see whom they were living with? Pan was Evil. Real, honest to god none of your Hollywood bullshit _evil._ He even required a capital 'E' because only a sick fuck like that would think of killing someone quickly (and for fun) as a reward. My blood turned to ice as I realized that maybe these boys _did _know about the monster they were living with and stayed with him willingly.

"How much farther?" I asked Felix hollowly.

"Ten minutes."

Ten minutes until Pan.

_Someone help me_. _I'm not going to last a day freaking out like this. Alright, alright. Focus on the positive things. You're still alive. You aren't hurt. They're feeding you. Be glad Pan wants you – it's keeping you alive. At least you're attracted enough to him to make unwanted advances not as miserable as they would be if he wasn't handsome. _

I didn't find that thought as comforting as I thought I would. I chewed the inside of my cheek as my objectives realigned themselves. First and foremost, I had to lead Pan on without giving him what he wanted. Secondly, I needed to befriend the lost boys, and fast. Last, but definitely not least, I had to make sure that Pan's personality didn't interfere with my attraction to him, just in case.

_Oh god, I hope it doesn't come to that._

The campfire glowed though the trees up ahead and I steeled myself for a possible encounter with Pan. Hopefully he wasn't so desperate as to deprive himself of a game of cat and mouse. He seemed to like those. Then again, if Pan really wanted to take what he could quickly I wouldn't be gallivanting around the island with his right hand man. That was mildly encouraging.

The smell of food indicated that it was about lunchtime and I wondered if I'd be allowed to eat more than I was this morning.

"Please tell me I'm allowed to eat something," I said to Felix.

He didn't spare me a look but led me to the campfire nonetheless. The whole campsite was permeated with the smell of cooking meat and my mouth watered at the prospect of actual food. Felix handed me a crude wooden bowl full of what appeared to be stew.

"Don't eat too much," he warned and strode off.

I was briefly confused as to why he didn't threaten me or give me some patronizing speech when I noticed Pan standing at the edge of the clearing. Felix handed him the vial.

_What does Pan need that for? I thought he was fond of killing people with his bare hands. _

I eyed him appreciatively as he talked to Felix.

"Are you stayin' with us, then?"

I whirled around with a yelp and came face to face with a blond boy. "Jesus, don't scare me like that!"

He shrugged. "You'll get used to it."

"Right," I muttered, recalling the old – normal - Peter Pan stories. "Lost Boys never apologize. You still shouldn't sneak up on people though."

The lost boy gave me a disbelieving look. "S'not my fault you were staring so hard at Pan."

I felt my face turn red. "I wasn't staring."

"They may not call it that where you're from, but I've only seen that look once – when my brother talked about barmaids."

_Did he just imply what I think he implied?_

"I'm not some horny drunk!" I exclaimed indignantly.

The boy's brows furrowed. "Horny?"

_Oh god._ "Nevermind." _Change the subject, change the subject._ "So what's your name?"

He grinned. "So you admit to staring at Pan then." I opened my mouth to squawk a protest but he beat me to it. "Name's Ben," he said.

I deflated. "I guess it's a given that you already know my name?" I asked him tiredly.

"Mhm." Ben rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Pan gave us this big speech about not coming close to you."

"You rulebreaker," I deadpanned.

He burst out laughing. "I like you. You know, I bet- Pan's coming." His expression sobered abruptly and he vanished.

I blinked in surprise. What just happened?

_Did I make a friend?_

"Socializing already I see," Pan drawled from behind me.

_Act cool. _I closed my eyes and turned around, plastering a nonchalant expression on my face. _Pay attention to how he holds himself. Don't overlook anything. And don't ogle him either – concentrate on his inner psychopath instead. _

"So I'm not allowed to talk to people now?" I challenged. _He likes obstinate people, right? Didn't he say we get the easier death? Oh god, what a way to define liking someone. _

"No need to be defensive," he said. "I was simply curious."

I ignored the way his hair fell over his forehead and my desire to run my fingers though it to see if it was as soft as it looked. "And obviously nothing you ever say or do can have negative consequences for anyone."

I paled as Pan raised an eyebrow, his face a mask of approval. Of course, getting in his good graces was essential for this little thing called my life but polarizing myself to his worldview was turning into a knee-jerk reaction. If he liked something I did then by normal human standards it was probably a bad move.

"Felix will show you to your new quarters," Pan said finally and turned to leave.

"That's it?" I blurted, unable to hold in my astonishment.

Pan pivoted around to face me. "Is what it?"

"You're not going to- to-"

"To what?"

"Try anything?" I squeaked. My attempts to control my deer in the headlights expression were failing.

"No," Pan said simply and turned to leave again.

I was floored. "Why? Isn't that the reason I'm alive?"

When he turned around a second time his face openly betrayed his annoyance. "Would you rather I take what I want from you?"

"N-no but-"

"Then stop complaining." His lips turned upwards in a smirk. "It's no fun if you scream for all the wrong reasons."

Heat rushed to my face again. _That bastard. I really am never going to live that down._ _I should've just kept my mouth shut and let him leave. His ass is much less insulting than his face. _

"All your reasons are the wrong reasons," I said, raising my chin to compensate for the low blow.

"No, I don't think so." Pan tilted his head as if in thought. "You'll let me have you. You'll see."

This time I let him leave.

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hello lovelies! Big thanks to those of you who reviewed (you guys make my day). Here's your weekly dose of Pan and Sarah! Enjoy :) **

* * *

I drifted around in a stunned stupor for the rest of the day. Felix showed me to a tent on the opposite side of the campsite from where I slept last night but I hardly heard what he was saying.

Pan wasn't going to assault me. He actually honest to god wasn't going to assault me. My elation was somewhat dampened by the brooding cloud of confusion hanging over my head. Why did he keep me around then? Did he think I was going to come to him? I'd have to confirm that hypothesis but until then my plan had to remain unchanged. If he truly thought I would make the advances that gave me more time than I ever thought possible. I could go back to my original rash decision to ignore any kind of attention he sent my way and maybe even restore some dignity.

I chewed on my lower lip thoughtfully as Felix gestured to various parts of the camp. Maybe I had been incorrect in my original assumption that Pan was insane enough to fit the mold of a storybook villain? He wasn't going to force me into anything – that counted for something, right? He was still terrifying but at least he had some basic moral valu-

_No. No, Sarah. Stop right there. You're just tired and overwhelmed and not thinking clearly. _I resisted the urge to slap myself. Felix said something about parties.

_Pan is evil Pan is evil_, I chanted mentally. _Evil evil evil – oh hey, that spells 'pie.'_

Felix narrowed his eyes at my burst of laughter.

"Sorry," I told him, having absolutely no idea what he'd been talking about for the past ten minutes. "Just – it's a joke from home."

He pursed his lips but resumed his usual drawl. "As I was saying, meals are three times a day only and if you miss one it's completely your problem. There is always enough food to go around but I wouldn't dawdle if I were you."

Breakfast was just after sunrise, lunch at midday, and dinner at sunset. That was it. I must have missed more of his lecture than I thought because the only other thing Felix said was not to leave the boundaries of the camp or "Pan won't be happy." Yeah, I definitely wasn't gonna push my luck with that one. Besides, I needed to focus my energy here on the inhabitants. _On Ben_, I realized. He could prove useful as a first foothold into the social hierarchy of this place.

Where was he, anyway? Only an hour or two had passed at the very most and yet the kid was nowhere to be found. I considered looking for him but there were so many blond boys milling around camp that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to recognize him from a distance.

In hindsight leaving my tent would probably be a bad idea. There were several other identical tents around camp and I refused to lose the one space I could call mine within five minutes of acquiring it. I sighed and ducked inside my new home.

_Oh god. This really _is _my home now, isn't it? _

I sat down to calm my breathing. The small tent was just large enough for two people to sleep side by side and I was thankful that I wouldn't be subject to that – at least for now.

Everything always came back to Pan.

I grabbed a pillow and fiddled with the corners before tossing it to the far end of the tent. After shifting the remaining objects around (these included a blanket, cloak, and canteen) I unfolded a thick blanket and spread it over the floor mat. With a silent vow, I decided that my little corner of the island would always be impeccable. It was the one thing I could control and I'd be damned before I let it deteriorate into the same state of disarray as the rest of Pan's camp. I examined the cloak.

_Looks like it'll fit… Ugh. Couldn't they have left a change of clothes or something? _

The prospect of living out the rest of my days in a dirty red t-shirt and sweatpants that refused to stay rolled up didn't sound too wonderful. I grimaced as I thought of the moment that I would inevitably trip over my own clothing. Speaking of dirty shirts, I felt absolutely filthy.

_Only four days without a shower and already I want to scrub my skin off._

I twisted a lock of limp yellow hair around my finger and pulled. Soreness flared in my scalp.

_Oh, gross. I probably smell bad, too. …Maybe that'll keep our friendly neighborhood psychopath from getting too close to me. _

Did they ever wash in this place? They probably did, my rationale informed me. Pan looked relatively clean. Then again, that could always be because of his magic.

_Note to self: find a way to get clean. _

If my body was the only thing I owned then I'd sure as hell take care of it. Maybe I could braid my hair in a thousand cornrows or something.

* * *

Dinner was a quiet affair. I was handed food, led back to my tent, and left alone. Pan's minions gathered around him on the other side of the camp while he gave some sort of speech. They were out of earshot but I assumed it was inspirational; they didn't seem to be running away from him at any rate. By the time the group disbanded the last rays of light vanished from the misty treetops and I had buried myself under my blanket in hopes of a decent night's sleep.

_Fourth time's the charm_.

For all of Pan's creepiness, his fixation with me served as a helpful buffer against the tide of lost boys. No one would be starving me or trying to kill me. As long as he wanted me, no one would touch me with a ten-foot pole. I could sleep knowing I was, for the most part, safe.

_A psychopath is making you feel safe. Sarah, _a psychopath is making you feel safe_. Also the ten-foot pole thing is probably bad for making allies… damn. _

I stared at the dark tent ceiling and listened to the idle chatter of the boys. Their dark shadows bled into the material of my tent, trembling with the pulse of the campfire. As interesting as Andy's new knife or Tom's day on patrol sounded, I really missed my laptop. Some music or a movie would be nice right about now. As I lay there tired and listless, I began to suspect that all those radicals claiming that phones and computers ruined the human race were on to something. I was going to go insane in another week without any technology. I curled up on my side and watched the faint firelight on the canvas wall until I fell asleep.

* * *

No one woke me up for breakfast. When I crawled out of my tent, the sun was at it's highest point in the sky and the Lost Boys were doling out lunch. Their chatter was probably what woke me up, I guessed. While I was slightly pissed that no one bothered to rouse me for breakfast, I was much more grateful for the extra hours of sleep that gave me. I hadn't slept that well in weeks. I stretched with a yawn.

"Oi, girl!"

_What now?_

"I have a name," I said flatly to the source of the voice.

"I don't care. You're in my way."

I frowned at the lost boy, my mental functions not quite back up to their usual. He was holding a crossbow. And that crossbow was pointed at me.

"Jesus!" I stumbled to the side and away from the tree marked with a large 'X.' As soon as I'd taken several steps to the side an arrow embedded itself in the trunk, only missing the center of the x by a few inches. The lost boy swore and reloaded his crossbow.

_Take a page from Mad Eye Moody's book, _I thought. _"Constant vigilance." _

I made my way to where some boys were serving lunch and tried to get a look at what was on the menu. It smelled good. I considered jumping to see over the boys' shoulders - why were they so damn tall? – when someone passed me a bowl of roasted meat. I didn't want to know what animal it was.

I turned to thank whoever it was and was pleasantly surprised for the first time in days. "Ben!"

He grinned. "Mornin'. You're quite the late riser."

"I was tired," I rolled my eyes as we made our way to an empty log. "I'm pretty sure I'll be waking up with the sun once I get settled."

"Whatever ya say."

_What kind of accent is that? _I was tempted to ask where he was from but my stomach gave a loud growl and my question replaced itself with an embarrassed grimace. Ben shot a meaningful look at my breakfast.

"I thought you said Pan wanted you guys to stay away from me," I said around a mouthful of food.

He shrugged. "Might've exaggerated that a bit."

I blinked. "What? So what did he say?"

"He doesn't care as long as you don't lose any limbs."

I hoped Ben was kidding. This fifteen-year-old kid talked about violence so casually that I wanted to vomit. What was I to Pan, some sort of wall decoration? Would he be completely fine with, say, a broken bone or two? My mind flashed back to the lost boy with the crossbow. I had to remind myself to keep eating. "Why did you run off, then?"

"Didn't you see the look on his face?"

"He doesn't need a look – his face is scary enough."

"Yes," agreed Ben, "which is why you keep staring at him all the time."

"That was once!" I exclaimed, glaring at him. "Will you stop with that?"

"I was only saying –"

"Shush."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence and I contemplated furthering my plan to gain allies and how I could lull Ben into trusting me. I was about to ask him how long he'd been in Neverland when he suddenly lurched upward and jogged towards a commotion on the far side of camp. Another lost boy – he looked a little older than Ben – stumbled into the clearing with an arrow embedded in his shoulder. I felt my meal make its way back up my throat. Ben and several other boys led him to a cot to tend to his wounds. I watched the scene from afar with fascinated disgust, wondering if this had anything to do with the so-called 'western tribe.'

It did.

* * *

The camp had been in mayhem for a good portion of the day and it wasn't until dinner that I finally found Ben to ask him what had happened. The downside of hiding in my tent meant that I was the least informed out of everyone. I had barely voiced my question of what that was all about when Pan suddenly appeared behind me. He shot Ben a stern look and the younger boy scampered off. After he left Pan politely informed me that today's commotion was nothing I should concern myself with. Okay, I could deal with a good deal of his shit but now he was just being ridiculous.

"Nothing I should concern myself about? A guy just got shot, dude. If someone's enemies with this camp, I need to know. I mean, it's not like I live here or anything."

Pan seemed to consider this before shrugging. "It's not my fault they don't understand who controls this island."

I wasn't sure who 'they' were but I already felt sorry for them. "Who?"

"I do." The tone of his voice suggested he thought I was an idiot for asking that question.

_Pompous egotist_.

"No, I mean, who doesn't understand?"

Pan took a few steps backward to lean back against a tree and I snuck a glance at his chest. He may have been thinner than most but damn did he still have a nice build. And his shirt looked good on him, too.

_It'd look better on the floor…_

"The natives. They live on the west side of the island."

I snapped myself out of my stupor with an intelligent "Oh." Pan had noticed my staring and was grinning suggestively at me.

_My suspicions were correct. Cool. Wait. No. Not cool. Please tell me I didn't just land in a bloody war zone. _

"Will they be attacking the camp?" I asked in alarm. I refused to get caught in the crossfire. This was so, so not happening. That idiot had to stop smiling at me, I needed to focus.

Pan shook his head patronizingly. "You shouldn't ask so many questions."

_Or he can just act like a dick. That works too._

I bristled. His good looks could only get him so far. "Hey, you're the one keeping me here. I deserve to know if someone wants me dead by association."

_Or they'll take me with them. It would still be on Neverland but at least I won't have to be stressing about this guy's every move. I should look into that. _

"They know they can't beat me at my own game."

"Game," I repeated flatly. So it's his fault that they're mad? Fucking figures.

"Yes, a game." Pan pushed himself away from the tree. The look in his eyes was much too predatory to be attractive. "Do you want to play?"

I backed up slightly. "No thanks."

"Are you sure?" he asked, widening his eyes innocently.

I took another step back.

"You don't like me," he observed. "Interesting."

"Yeah, that happens when you try to kill someone," I muttered. "And how the hell is that interesting?"

"Well perhaps it isn't interesting, but it's certainly more… entertaining."

"Is this your subtle way of telling me you like rejection? Cause trust me, I can supply that for you."

Attractive Pan I could handle. Creepy Pan I could also handle. But sinister, suggestive Pan? If my reaction to his death threat several days ago was any indication I'd probably say something that would lead to me waking up in his bed the following morning. Time to make an exit.

Pan laughed. "Not quite. If it was about the end result, I would have taken what I wanted already. But it's about the process." He eyed me up and down. "I want to see you give in to your desires."

I couldn't decide if I should be turned on or angry. _Jesus, you confess to wanting to jump a guy _one time_-! _

"So that's what this is for you? Some kind of crazy power trip?" I demanded.

"Oh, it's not a display of power," he grinned gleefully. "It's the game."

…_Of course it is._

"So _that's_ why you're playing nice." I frowned after a moment. _No pun intended_.

He studied his nails. "I prefer when my partners are willing."

My eyebrows drew together. Willing? "But I've never really said no so –"

"Is that an invitation?"

"No!" I squeaked much too quickly.

Amusement flickered over Pan's face as he said something but I was much too embarrassed and confused to properly pay attention. I watched Pan's eyebrow as it moved up and down as he spoke. Did he know it did that?

I tuned back in to the conversation just in time to hear him say, "Though I must admit you made quite an impression on them on your first night here."

'_Them'? Should I be defending myself? He's referring to his minions, right? _

"What, my singing or my declaration that you should be ten?"

"Ah yes," Pan laughed. "My boys told me about your… they called it 'screeching'."

I shrugged. "It's not my problem if my lack of a singing voice makes their ears hurt. Actually it's more of an incentive."

Pan's eyebrow quirked.

_Does he always have to do that? Is that his Eyebrow of Power or something?_

I stared at Pan. He stared back, daring me to break eye contact first.

"Can I go now?" I asked finally, ending our miniature battle of wills. There'd be plenty more of those I could win later, no doubt. Pan may have been easy on the eyes but he sure as hell wasn't easy on the nerves. I needed to go calm down.

He motioned for me to leave. "Do try to stay out of everyone's way."

_Jerk. _I left to regroup with me, myself, and I._ Special welcome to our guests, common sense and embarrassment. _If I was comfortable enough around this psychopath to _tune out in the middle of the conversation_ then I had a serious problem. How the hell did I let my guard down? I reminded myself that the only reason he wanted me in one piece was so he wouldn't have a broken toy to play with. I shuddered in disgust. That's exactly what would happen if I let myself get comfortable, simply because he was going to take his time with using me.

* * *

**Bueno? No bueno? Let me know! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Sorry this one is a little late, I hit some writers block in the middle of the week. Thank you for your kind reviews lovelies. :) **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

The rest of the evening passed relatively uneventfully compared to the flurry of activity during the past few days. I retreated back into my tent after my little encounter with Pan but didn't fall asleep for a long time. There was very little chatter at the campsite that night and what words were spoken had absolutely no use in aiding my escape. No longer exhausted or occupied with trying to understand Pan's immediate actions, my mind turned to home.

"Oh my god!" my hands flew to my mouth in horror. "Finals!"

I'd automatically failed two of my classes because of some stupid kidnapping shadow. And I worked really hard all semester, too! Crap, that meant that I'd have to max out my schedule in the coming semesters to compensate for loss of credits. I spent another five minutes trying to work out how this would happen before realizing that it would most likely take me at least a couple months to establish the connections I needed to get out of here - if I ever did at all. By that point I might as well either drop out of college entirely or repeat another year. I groaned in frustration and let myself fall face-first onto my pillow. Fucking great, that meant that even if I _did_ get out of this place my future was already questionable at best. I really wanted to punch something.

How much time had passed since I was gone? Was it an hour, a day, a week, even? Were people looking for me? And what about my parents? Who would tell them their daughter was missing? I tried not to imagine their faces when they got the inevitable phone call. My mom would probably cry and my dad would do the best he could to comfort her – he always tried to act so strong for the both of us. Something twisted in my gut at the image of my stoic father crying. I had never missed my parents this much before. I was fine with being away from them in college and didn't even call that often, but now that I was on Neverland the separation hit me with surprising force. If only I'd talked to them more, told them I loved them… I curled into my blankets, ignoring the wetness of my pillow. Why couldn't Pan just let me go home?

My shoulders trembled and I curled myself into a tight ball to keep myself from making any noise. If anyone found out I was crying I would be forever branded as the poor little lost girl who can't last several days without her parents. It didn't matter that I already lived without them in college – the boys wouldn't believe me. And being someone who missed home in a place full of kids that hated their own families… the Lost Boys wouldn't show me any mercy. I didn't know if I'd be able to handle any more humiliation.

I tried to calm my breathing but the tears just wouldn't stop. I bit my fist to give myself something else to focus on and kept increasing the pressure even after my knuckles went numb. Eventually my breathing slowed somewhat and I trusted myself enough to pull my hand away from my mouth. My knuckles ached and I ran the back of my hand over the illuminated material of the tent to check for blood. To my surprise the material remained clean and a small burst of relief spread through my chest. At least I wouldn't have to worry about them getting infected.

_And having to explain why I bit through my skin_, I noted with a grimace.

My miniature meltdown left me both mentally and physically exhausted and I fell asleep before the Lost Boys extinguished the campfire.

* * *

I missed breakfast so the Lost Boys wouldn't see my most likely puffy eyes. I had no way of telling what they looked like for sure, but with Pan on the prowl I couldn't be too careful. If _he_ found out that I'd been crying… I shuddered.

_No thank you._

I crawled out of my tent just before noon and made sure to look in all directions before moving to the campfire to fill up my canteen. I didn't need any more scary boys with crossbows, please and thank you. The boys gave me a wide berth and I was pretty sure that I was going to die from boredom in just a few days if I wasn't allowed to do anything. There wasn't even anybody to talk to! Ben was scarcely around and Felix spent most of his time running errands, admonishing the Lost Boys, or glaring at me. As much as his attitude pissed me off, I had to admire the guy for his patience. I snatched myself some lunch from the campfire and shuffled over to the south side of camp, closest to the cliff. At least, I assumed it was south. Felix didn't exactly go over compass directions with me. Maybe Pan didn't want me to be able to get my bearings and find the tribe on the west side of Neverland.

Now that was a thought.

I plunked myself down onto a tree stump and chewed my food thoughtfully. How large was this island, anyway? Felix and I spent about four hours on our round trip for the Dreamshade and hadn't even come close to ascending even halfway up the main mountain. And who even knew what was on the other side of the ridge? I couldn't go exploring by myself, that was for sure. But what about tagging along with some more boys when they went on patrols or various other errands? I tossed my empty bowl on the ground in frustration. Pan would have to trust me for that to happen first, and for him to trust me he first had to respect me.

"Well fuck that plan."

I couldn't wait to get off this island.

From where I was perched at the edge of camp I could see the deep blue of the ocean peeking through between the branches of the jungle. I left my overturned bowl on the ground and wove through the trees to emerge at the lip of the cliff. The view was stunning.

The jungle ran over the flat crescent of the island hundreds of feet below me before stopping at a faint line of yellow beach. Water washed placidly over the sand before the jungle came up and swallowed the coast in shadow again. A peninsula extended into the ocean far to my right and I could see faint clusters of rocks along the thin ridgeline. There seemed to be a miniature island on the other side of it but I couldn't see it properly from this distance. Why was it there? That side of Neverland didn't look like it had suffered any erosion or rockfall.

_Add that to the list of questions I'll never get the answer to. _Then again, I had better things to be thinking about than geology.

I turned to look at the left side of the crescent with a sigh. It was almost identical to the first except for a large formation of rocks several hundred feet away from me. It jutted out from the greenery like a miniature cliff and looked like it would be the perfect place to get a 360 view of the island.

_I bet I could climb that. Also it kind of looks like a whale… _

_No_, I reminded myself. _You can't leave. Pan won't like that and we're treating him like a spoiled baby with cosmic powers, remember? P.I.E. Sarah, P.I.E.!_

I'd be able to see so much more of the island though… What if there was some sort of trail to the beach? Or better yet, a stream? If indeed there was a stream, I decided, I was going to annoy the living daylights out of Felix or Pan until they let me go wash. I tried not to think about the fact that I'd need a guard.

_Okay, slow down. You don't even know if there IS a stream over there._

I glanced back at camp to check if anyone was watching me sneak off. "I am so, so dead," I muttered, and tiptoed along the cliff.

After several minutes of avoiding bushes and tiptoeing over lose rocks I finally stepped out onto the Whale.

"Whoa."

The outcropping jutted out from the jungle far enough that I couldn't see the slope of the land just behind me. I felt like I was flying. A soft breeze rolled upwards from the ocean and tugged at my hair and t-shirt. The landscape looked so much like an old painting that I almost thought that if I reached out I would be able to touch the canvas.

"Well, well, well," a voice drawled from behind me. "Looks like we have ourselves a runaway."

I shrieked in surprise and nearly lost my balance but Felix reached out and deftly caught me by the shoulder. I stared at him with wide eyes.

"I'm not running away! We can still see the camp from here!"

His eyebrow twitched. "Can we?"

I leaned to the side to get a glimpse of the jungle I came from and saw nothing but green forest. "We can if we try really hard…?"

Felix made a gallant sweep with his club. "After you."

I eyed the weapon warily but did as I was told. We picked our way through the foliage in silence, me all too aware of the fact that Felix could beat me up for what I just did and Pan probably wouldn't bat an eye.

"_Don't leave the camp or else Pan won't be happy." _

I hoped Felix wouldn't tell him.

"Please don't tell Pan," I pleaded as soon as we returned to camp. "I didn't run away, I swear! I didn't even know I was that far away!"

Oh god, would he really kill me just for wandering off? I wanted to believe that he wouldn't, but those had been his original intentions. I tried to calm my breathing.

Felix studied my terrified expression before saying, "You don't seem stupid enough to try something like that. It's refreshing."

My shoulders sagged in relief as I looked at him with genuine gratitude. "Thank you."

He nodded in acknowledgement and left me standing alone by my tent. It was only later that evening when I was mulling over his – I grimaced at calling it mercy – that I realized something very worrying. He said my obedience was refreshing.

_There were others?_

I seriously hoped he just meant newly recruited Lost Boys.

* * *

It was my sixth day on this goddamn island and I still hadn't managed to clean myself up, which pissed me off more than anything else. The legs of my pants were caked with dirt and sweat and I almost wanted to stay inside my tent all day instead of walking around like a glorified mud puddle. Maybe I could spend the day plotting with excursions limited to meal times. Yesterday's escapade didn't give me much information about the island, but it did prove one important thing.

I could trust Felix.

I didn't know how far that trust would go but it was better than nothing. He was Pan's second in command and he'd chosen to spare me what was most likely either my death or copious amounts of pain. I wondered if I could convince him to let me tag along the next time he left camp.

I poked my head out from between my tent flaps and looked around the oddly quiet campsite.

_Looks like I'm up early_.

Several boys sat around the fire and occasionally one of them would reach forward to stir something in a large pot. My stomach rumbled and I stumbled out of the tent, muddy pants long forgotten at the promise of food.

"Morning," I told them. One of them grunted in response. Ah, the sweet company of grumpy morning people such as myself. "Any chance I could get food early?"

One of the boys mechanically handed me a bowl. They looked like they hadn't slept at all.

"Rough night, huh?" I asked as I spooned hot porridge into my bowl. Three tired glares focused on me and I fell silent, lowering myself onto a log next to one of the boys.

I had barely finished my food when the fire became absolutely crowded with hungry teenagers. I handed my bowl to one of the boys to use and got the hell out of dodge. No way was I risking an elbow to the stomach because I stood between an angry boy and his breakfast.

I nearly ran into Felix on the way out but he grabbed my arm as I tried to sidestep him.

"Seems like a good day to spend at the campfire," he said quietly.

I nodded nervously, recognizing the warning not to draw attention to myself. Felix released my arm and I scampered to a nearby tree that one of the three sleepy Lost Boys escaped to. We stood in awkward silence for several minutes as I tried to work out exactly how long I'd been on Neverland. If I counted my march here as the first day then my near death experience (and loss of all dignity) was the second. My third day included the march to the Dreamshade, the fourth was the injured lost boy, and the fifth was yesterday. That made today the sixth day. How was I already losing track of time?

I brightened with a sudden burst of inspiration. "Hey," I turned to the Lost Boy. What was his name, Andrew? "Do you have a string or something?"

He didn't answer. _Did he fall asleep standing up?_ He looked tired enough for it. I waved my hand in front of his face to check and he glared at me before stalking off. I looked around for any boys that weren't inhaling oatmeal (I had a nagging suspicion that the grain came from the western natives) but didn't see any other than the one I'd just spoken to.

_Sorry, Andrew._

I trotted after him. "Are you sure you don't have one? I need it, it's really important."

"What could you possibly need a string for?" He snapped finally. "It's a _string_."

"I need to tie knots in it." I realized how stupid my reply sounded only after it came out of my mouth. Andrew looked like he wanted to strangle me. I couldn't blame him – if I didn't sleep all night I probably would have wanted to strangle me too. "It's for counting how many days-"

"What _are_ you prattling on about?" a second voice said from behind me.

_Oh, great_.

"Nothing, Pan," I muttered irately. "Just about how great it would be to be able to keep time around here."

He ignored me and turned to the Lost Boy I'd been harassing. "Is she annoying you? Feel free to shut her up. Don't worry, she wont' break that easily."

_Break?_ _Shut me up? What the hell was he talking about? _

I whirled around to glare at Pan. "I'm right here you know!"

His eyes flickered down to meet mine. "I know."

Right. That was enough of him for one day. I back turned around to talk to Andrew. "Right, as I was sayi- eek!" I jumped backwards and away from the knife that was pointed threateningly at my throat. So that's what Pan meant by 'shutting me up.'

My back collided with something solid that gave a slight grunt as it tried to steady me. Was Pan holding me in place so that Andrew could slice me into tiny pieces? I tried shuffling backwards and around him but his hands slid up to grip my waist and he motioned for the Lost Boy to leave us. It was just me and Pan, and his hands were on my waist.

_Oh god._

My brain spun into overdrive, churning out various images of how this scenario would end. None of them included me being the bigger person and mastering my impulses.

I needed to move. I needed to get the hell away from him and his firm chest and warm hands holding me against him. I almost willed myself not to move for fear of doing something very, very stupid instead of running like I was supposed to. I counted four of his heartbeats against my back before Pan pushed me away in disgust.

"You smell terrible."

_Oh, fuck off! _

"And whose fault is that? I'm not allowed to leave this fucking camp! How do you expect me to get clean?" I exclaimed, trying to compensate for what just happened by being irrationally angry.

"Perhaps if you get on better terms with my boys we might be able to arrange something. You can't go on your own, you know."

"Yeah," I scoffed, "so I can have some teenagers stare at me for an hour as I try to scrub my skin off."

Pan chose to ignore my last comment, proving my theory that he had selective hearing. "And you know that will never happen if you keep bothering them, Girl. Don't you remember I told you to stay out of everyone's way?"

_Am I supposed to just make myself invisible? Cause Felix really didn't like that._

Of course, I couldn't tell him that. His attitude still pissed me off though, and I settled with a simple, "I have a name, you know."

Pan looked like he hadn't considered this at all. "What was it again?"

I gaped at him. "You have to be kidding me. I've been here a week!"

"Well I can't be expected to remember everything, can I?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This guy creeps on me for an entire fucking week and can't even be bothered to _remember my name_?

Pan looked at me expectantly. "Well? Or would you rather I call you 'Girl' from now on?"

_Oh no you don't. _

"It's Rachel," I ground out.

"Really? Alright then."

"Seriously," I muttered. "How convinced must you be that I'm going to sleep with you if you act like such a dick?"

He raised his eyebrows. "That's meant to be insulting, yes?"

"Very."

Pan shrugged. "You don't need to like me."

"I- what?"

A self-satisfied smirk settled on his lips. "I only have to frustrate you just enough…"

Well this guy certainly had a cynical view of what women found attractive.

_Maybe he just can't see through his crazy bloated ego._

"Do you have any idea how women even work, dude? Cause trust me, we generally don't like guys that treat us like shit."

"And you have so wonderfully proven to be the exception to that rule."

That's it. I was going to hit him. There was no way he was going to twist my words into an excuse to walk all over me. If he'd just kept his reasoning to 'oh I'm a heartless bastard and that's why I'll disregard all of your opinions,' that would have been fine. But this? Hell no! I wasn't going to let him turn me into my own ruin.

"Listen, pal," I pointed a finger at him angrily. "Just because you're pretty doesn't mean that you can-"

"There you are," Felix's voice interrupted what I'd hoped would be an intimidating rant. Pan, for his part, looked as though he was going to burst out laughing from me calling him 'pretty.' I closed my eyes and exhaled in an attempt to calm myself. Trust my babysitter to undermine what little resistance I could put forth.

"Do you call this the campfire, Sarah?" Felix asked me sternly. He raised his eyebrows slightly to remind me about the previous time he had to come looking for me.

"Hey, I had an excuse this time!" I protested. "Stop glaring at me, this isn't like – like on our way to the Dreamsahde when I didn't notice you'd stopped walking!" I was about to add more but I noticed that Felix wasn't looking at me, his eyes cautious and instead trained on the person behind me.

_Pan._ _Shit._

I forced myself to look at him and nearly recoiled. He looked murderous. Oh god. He knew I tried to run.

Despite the fire in his eyes, when he spoke his voice was terrifyingly calm. "I do not appreciate insubordination. If I ask you something, you will not lie to me."

I nearly collapsed in relief when he left. "Thank god. I almost thought he knew about yesterday."

"You lied to him?" Felix asked with sinister interest.

_Well at least _he_ knows my name and how long I've been here_.

"He forgot my name so I gave him the wrong one," I groused and crossed my arms. "Seriously, it was all his fault. I need to learn what, dozens of new names and he can't even remember one? I was just gonna let him call me the wrong thing but then you showed up."

Felix almost looked amused. "Peter can be hot-headed about things like this. I would be more careful in the future."

"You always brighten my day, Sunshine. But yeah, I think I'll have to. Hey, you don't have, like, a string or something do you?"

He fiddled with his belt and handed me a cord about as long as my forearm.

"Thanks." I resisted saying 'it's like you got up on the right side of the bed.' No need make him revert to his usual unaccommodating self. I immediately tied six knots at one end of the cord.

"Already forgetting how long you've been here?" Felix drawled.

I shot him a look. "Making sure that I don't forget in the future." Time was too easy to lose in a place like this.

* * *

**I'd really appreciate it if you guys followed this story or left a review! It lets me know that people care about Sarah and her Pan-shaped issues (or perhaps Pan and his Sarah-shaped issues) and that I should keep updating! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey lovelies! Bit of a shorter chapter this time. I hope you all had a better Valentine's Day than poor Sarah. Thank you to those of you who left reviews - I'm honestly flattered by what you guys think of this fic. **

* * *

Pan paced back and forth in front of our bedraggled gathering. From what I understood someone had been associating with the native tribe and now we were all huddled around hissing coals in the middle of a storm with Felix watching us from the side like a vulture. Rain whipped at our faces and we tried to hide under our cloaks to stay warm while Pan lectured us, his clothes completely dry. He kept monologuing about undermining authority and I suspected that my lying to him this morning had something to do with our current problem. Pan posed some question that most of us didn't hear over the shrieking wind and looked at us with a quiet expectant fury.

No one said anything. Pan slowly raised an eyebrow. I heard someone hiccup.

Lightning flashed across his face and all of us jumped, momentarily disoriented in the blind darkness. Thunder collided with the treetops and I desperately blinked my eyes to see at least something, _anything_. When my vision cleared Pan was holding a boy up by the collar so that his toes barely touched the ground. The poor kid whimpered as Pan asked evenly, "well?"

I edged closer to Ben in fear and he pulled our shared cloak tighter around us. Pan yanked the young boy to where he was pacing just moments previously and all I wanted to do was to sink into the ground and away from those crazed eyes that looked at our huddling forms with deranged pleasure.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Pan admonished the boy as though he did nothing more than sneak an extra helping at dinner.

The kid stood in silent terror, tethered to the spot by Pan's grip on his arm. I winced. That looked like it hurt.

"Are you going to tell them what you did?"

The boy whimpered, not even bothering to put up a brave face anymore. I felt nauseous. Pan didn't like weakness.

Pan yanked him roughly by the arm and the boy yelped in fear. "Please don't hurt me!"

A collective gasp came from the crowd and Ben clapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh, no. Eddie…"

I stared at the scene with wide eyes. "What? Ben!"

He didn't answer.

Pan leaned over Eddie in a horrifyingly calm and fluid movement. "What was that?"

Eddie stood stock still and stared out above our heads. I didn't know what he was seeing. "Please don't."

"Say that one more time."

The wind vanished in an instant and the only sound we heard was the soft dripping of light rain on the trees.

"Please don't hurt me," Eddie whispered.

Ben yanked my head roughly under the cloak just as a resounding _crack_ echoed through the camp followed by a high-pitched wail of agony. I stifled a scream.

_Oh god. Oh my god. _

I shakily lifted up my head, not sure if I really wanted to see what was in front of me. When I did, I nearly threw up. Eddie's forearm was sticking out at an unnatural angle and something white was on his skin, and it was bleeding… I fell forward and tried to cover my mouth.

It was bone.

Ben pulled me backward. "Don't draw attention to yourself," he hissed. I clapped both hands over my mouth and nodded jerkily at him.

_Don't vomit don't vomit oh god his arm – _I shuddered in horror.

"Felix!" Pan called. "You know where to take him."

"No!" Eddie screamed as Felix grabbed his good arm and dragged him into the foliage. "No don't take me! I'm sorry! No! Please!"

I couldn't move. I couldn't even shake.

"If there's one thing I won't tolerate, it's traitors." Pan addressed our entire group but his eyes remained trained on mine.

A voice like that shouldn't be saying such terrible things.

I needed to get out. I needed to be home. I needed to be anywhere but here. I needed to be above the ground just like I was now, moving sideways – I jerked in surprise. Ben was hauling me somewhere. I vacantly noticed that our group had disbanded and Pan was nowhere to be seen. That terrified me more than anything else.

"I always forget that one wrong move and that could be me next time," Ben said, his voice wavering slightly. "You should stay by the campfire tonight and dry off."

"Next time?" My voice sounded more confident than I felt.

"We get someone who joins the natives every once in a while." He wrung out my cloak and handed it back to me. At least the rain left me feeling cleaner.

"What's going to happen to him?"

"He loses his shadow."

Pan's voice echoed in my head. _They always scream._

I lurched forward, emptying the contents of my stomach precariously close to Ben's shoes.

"Eugh." He patted my back awkwardly. "Don't worry, you stop reacting like this after a while."

My stomach lurched again. How many people had he killed this way?

_So that's what happens when you disobey him. Oh god. _

Ben handed me some water once I'd finally stopped heaving.

"How could Pan do that?" I exclaimed, my mind on the edge of hysteria. "He was just a kid!"

"He was as old as any of us," he said quietly. "D'you want to go back to your tent?"

I gave him a spasmodic nod and tried to stand up. Ben ended up hauling me the entire way. I collapsed to my knees and numbly crawled inside my safe haven.

_One, two, three, four, five, breathe. One, two, three, four, five, breathe._

"Sarah?"

I turned around to stare at him.

_Breathe_.

"He isn't keeping you here to hurt you." Ben left and the tent flap fell closed behind him.

I didn't sleep.

* * *

I didn't know how long I lay there, unable to sleep or move, but when hauled myself out of my tent in restlessness it was still pitch black outside. I kept counting my breaths.

_One, two, three, four, five, breathe. Cliff. Go to the cliff. Four, five, breathe. _

I made my way slowly through the campsite, my unsteady footsteps squelching weakly on the wet ground. The pale moon glowed through the foliage and I collapsed against a large tree growing ten feet from the cliffside.

_Breathe._

I wrapped my arms around myself in the cold air and shivered. The island was incredibly still as though it was exhausted from the violent storm hours earlier. Had it been only hours? It felt like days.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

The blood in my veins crystallized and my thudding heart pumped the chill all the way to my toes.

_No. Anyone but him. Please, god, no. _

_Breathe. Oh, god. Breathe. _

He stepped out of the trees, the shatters of moonlight glistening like scars on his face.

I wanted to scream.

Pan smiled, his eyes surveying my trembling form like a predator's and calculating my weaknesses. I had many. He stepped towards me and I squeaked, my feet propelling me backwards in a motion I wasn't ready for. I almost fell but suddenly Pan was in front of me with his hand firmly wrapped around my bare forearm as though it was Eddie's.

_No. Nononono not me too. Let go let go let go -!_

"No need to look at me like that," he murmured. "I don't break things that can be of use to me." My body jerked as he stroked the inside of my forearm with his thumb.

My skin rose with goosebumps as I tried not to suffocate from the presence of the demon that used the hand binding me to him to break a young boy's arm.

"See?" he all but purred, stepping forward and closing the distance between us to a frail handful of inches. His accent softened his words into melted butter. "I'm not going to hurt you."

I tried to shrink away from him but the tree behind me trapped me next to Pan. "Yes you are."

He smiled again, his eyes crinkling at the edges with pure venom. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you – you-"

"Because I did what?"

"He's dead," I squeaked out. "Oh god, he's dead!"

Pan laughed. I thought I was going to pass out.

"Oh, but I didn't kill him. You see, I really don't like getting my hands dirty. Unless, of course," he murmured and dropped his gaze to my lips, "there's a woman involved."

_What the hell was that supposed to mean?! _

The night air hovered still as a dead man's breath. I felt like I was in a coffin. Pan had just made Eddie's grave, and now he was digging mine.

A shock of warm air swept over my forehead and I jumped. Pan was almost standing over me, his mouth level with the top of my head. Oh god, he was _right there._ I couldn't stop the rising panic as he drank in my terror. His hand burned with heat against my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to be anywhere but here.

"Let me go," I pleaded in a whimper.

The moon sank low behind the graying clouds. Pan vanished with a crack and the cold night air washed over me like the last gasp of a drowning man.

* * *

The soft, warm light of the sunrise filtered through the cracks in my tent and lit the small space with veins of gold. I groaned into my pillow, not wanting to let go of sleep just yet. Birds chirped outside and the island seemed to be alive with laughter. Pan was in a good mood.

I, however, wasn't. My sleep last night had been nothing short of awful and coupled with the events of the evening, it was a wonder I had managed to pass out at all. I fumbled with my blankets until my hand closed around the cord Felix had given me yesterday. I tied one more knot around the end.

Seven godforsaken days I'd survived on this horrid island with Pan.

I lay in bed obstinately until the loud shouts of the boys interrupted my sour mood. Throwing up last night's dinner left me incredibly hungry and if I didn't get up now then I would miss breakfast. I wasn't sure I could keep the food down but at least I had to try. I owed myself that much.

I hauled myself into an upright position and tied Felix's cord around my neck before crawling to the tent entrance at my feet. Mountain experts said you were supposed to sleep with your head always facing the door in case of emergencies but I doubted that would be of much use if Pan decided to dispose of me.

I pulled the tent flap aside with a yawn and shuffled forwards until my knees hit something soft. I shot backwards into my tent in horror. Right there on my doorstep were Eddie's clothes, clean and neatly folded. No, the mountain experts were right. Having an exit on the opposite side of the tent was a very, very good idea. I wrestled with the coarse material until it finally spat me out into the daylight. Taking care to avoid the other side of my small abode I jogged over to the campfire.

_I hope I can keep food down today._

Breakfast consisted of mixed grains as per usual. The chatter of the Lost Boys felt suffocating to my tired brain and I sought refuge in an empty part of camp. Ben shot me a pitying look as I passed him.

_I'm not some poor mistreated animal, _I thought sourly. _And I can handle myself. You'll see._

Geesh, he could at least offer some sort of sympathy. But no, straight to pity it was.

I scanned the camp suspiciously but the source of all my troubles was nowhere to be seen. This was both worrying and comforting. On one hand that bastard was way too cheery for my liking this morning and I really didn't want to think about what caused such a shift in his mood. On the other hand, that meant that today might pass without any collateral damage or his quickfire mood swings.

I spotted Felix eating alone and picked my way through the camp over to him. Hopefully he would still take me seriously, unlike Ben. Then again, given the state I was in _I_ wouldn't take me seriously either.

"Lovely morning," I said sarcastically and dropped down next to Mr. Sunshine.

He shot me an irritated look.

"Yeah, I feel that," I told him and patted his shoulder.

"Do you?" Felix asked so sharply that I jumped.

"I – um-"

"Are you the executioner?"

"But I thought that the shadow –"

"I still lead them to their deaths," he said, his voice suddenly flat.

'I'm sorry' suddenly seemed like a stupid and insensitive thing to say. 'It's not your fault' was true but probably wouldn't help either. I pulled my cord out from around my neck and handed it to him, hoping he understood my meaning. Pan was forcing me to do things I didn't want to, either. Felix stared at me calculatingly before handing the cord back and standing up without a word.

"Eddie knew what he was doing when he joined us," he said, his voice back to its usual drone. I wasn't sure whether he was speaking to himself or to me. He looked back at me. "Pan takes care of what he wants. You should put the clothes on."

I opened my mouth to respond but he was already gone.

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**If you guys have any questions, comments, or suggestions leave me a review. :) I love hearing from my audience! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello my lovelies! Let's just say that if I owned OUaT Pan would still be alive (but sadly I don't and thus have to deal with all the emotional damage of the midseason finale). **

**GiraffePanda2 - Thank you so much! And there will definitely be more Pan as this story progresses, don't worry! **

***twiddles thumbs awkwardly* I hope you guys like this chapter! **

* * *

Alright, it was decided. I missed homework. Actually, I'm pretty sure _anyone_ in my position would miss homework. At this point I would gladly write five essays if it meant even a brief escape from this gnawing boredom. I wasn't allowed to do anything remotely useful at camp and yet I wasn't permitted to leave either. Normally a situation like this wouldn't bother me but alas Neverland didn't have one thing crucial to my brain's existence: the internet.

I thought about talking Ben into letting me help out with whatever he was doing but this afternoon was his turn to patrol the boundaries of Pan's land (which, judging from the amount of boys that went to stand guard every day, was rather large). Felix was also out of the question. What did that leave me with? I didn't even know the rest of the Lost Boys by name except for Andrew and a handful of others and the day I went to Pan for anything would be the day I willingly threw myself into a bush of Dreamshade. I fidgeted with the cord around my neck. Another day in my cave it was.

I was several steps from my tent when I spotted Pan leaning against the pine behind it. I swiveled around on the spot and began marching in the direction I came from when I heard his amused laugh.

"Oh no you don't."

_And why not?_

I stopped walking and turned around cautiously. He may be in a good mood but that didn't mean I had any idea of what he was doing behind my tent. 'Lurking' was incredibly appropriate, I decided as Pan walked slowly towards me. I felt the beginnings of fear stir in my ribcage.

"I see you haven't changed yet."

No, I hadn't. Did he want a standing ovation? My heart thumped faster as the distance between us slowly disintegrated. I had to stop myself from backing away.

"Those are Eddie's clothes." My voice sounded shakier than I wanted it to.

Pan eyed me up and down. "They should fit you."

"I'm not putting them on," I said, disgust with the idea of wearing a dead boy's clothes fueling my resolve.

_And perhaps stupidity,_ I thought as Pan's brows twitched together in a frown.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm really, really not."

He narrowed his eyes and took a step closer. "Shall I convince you?"

I froze and he smiled knowingly. I wanted nothing more than to thaw the fear from my limbs and get away from those gleaming eyes but my body wouldn't obey. 'P.I.E.' was starting to sound much too civil for his sinister demeanor. Pan watched me with something close to delight as I shuffled in an arc around him to the entrance of my tent. I wasn't sure how he expected me to sleep with him if he wanted me to be terrified by his very presence. I made my way over to the neatly folded clothes but I couldn't force myself to pick them up. Eddie's screams echoed in my ears.

"I can't do this."

I tried to block out the memories of yesterday but they kept rising to the surface. The splintering _crack_ of bone, that wailing…

"They're a dead boy's clothes, Pan. I- I can't do this. Don't make me do this." Hysteria rose like bile in my throat. "Oh god this is all just so, so wrong."

Pan was in front of me in an instant and I let out a small scream as I stumbled backwards.

"You will put them on," he said threateningly, "or I will make sure you have nothing to wear at all."

I nodded jerkily. _Oh my god._

He smiled pleasantly and gave my t-shirt sleeve a playful tug. "That's a good girl. I'm tired of seeing you in these ridiculous things."

I grabbed Eddie's old clothes and dove inside my tent as fast as I could. Oh god, he was getting touchy. _Bad, bad, bad. So very, very bad. _I pulled the tent flaps closed tightly and tried to calm down.

_At least his idea of 'convincing' me wasn't breaking my arm. _

My stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch but I pushed thoughts of the dead Lost Boy out of my mind and pulled my t-shirt over my head. I couldn't stop the disgusted 'eugh' that came out of my mouth when I saw the amount of dirt accumulated on the material. Pan laughed outside.

He was still there?!

I made a desperate grab for Eddie's shirt and yanked it over my head as fast as I could. No way was he coming in here while I wasn't fully dressed! To my surprise the material wasn't scratchy at all and the sleeves only went about an inch past my fingers. I could deal with that. Now for the pants…

I unfolded them against my legs to judge for size. Yep, too long. I wondered if they had sowing needles in this place, then maybe I could fix these to a wearable length. I sighed and looked up at the tent ceiling that couldn't have been more than two feet above my head.

_This should be fun_.

I managed to wrestle my mangled sweatpants off my legs with no small degree of difficulty. After tossing them angrily into a corner I began my arduous fight with Eddie's trousers. I had rolled onto my back to try and pull them on when Pan's amused drawl startled me into action.

"You don't need any help in there, do you?"

"No!" I all but yelled, launching myself at the tent entrance and clamping it shut with both hands.

"That wasn't an offer. As if I would touch you when you're this dirty."

_He seemed to have no problem with that last night._ I blanched as soon as I realized the double meaning of what I just thought. _Oh god. _

"Then why say it?"

His cold laugh echoed somewhere from above. "Didn't your parents tell you? Playing with your food is the very best pastime. Felix!"

_So he's insulting me for fun now? Nice. _

"What is it Peter?"

_Oh god don't tell me Sunshine heard all of that. _

"Take Sarah down to the lake, will you?"

"The lake?"

"Can't have my Lost Girl being perpetually dirty, can we?"

My elation at the prospect of a wash was immediately dampened by his words. _I'm not his!_ I yanked Eddie's pants up my legs and glared at the source of Pan's voice through the material of the tent.

Several beats of silence passed before Felix answered in a tone that bordered on frustration, "Are you sure you don't want to be the one keeping her company?"

I stilled in trepidation.

Pan hummed. "I can wait until she invites me."

_Excuse me?!_

"Try to be back by sundown." Pan's footsteps receded into the campsite.

I wondered if I closed my eyes all of this would just disappear. I was wearing a dead boy's – Eddie's - clothes and now _Felix_ was going to guard me while I bathed. I knew I wouldn't be allowed to go without a guard but did it really have to be him?

I clambered out of my tent and Felix and I stared at each other in mutual frustration for the second time since my arrival on Neverland.

"Daisy chains?" I asked him with fake cheerfulness.

"There isn't any Dreamshade where we're going."

Ah, so he got my reference.

* * *

Our walk from camp was nothing short of awkward. I cast an uncomfortable glance sideways and shifted my folded cloak onto my other shoulder. Felix was much better at keeping a straight face than I was but he was still pointedly avoiding looking at me. If I was him I'd be uncomfortable too. Either that or really, really excited. I tried not to think about the second option.

_Maybe you're just giving yourself too much credit,_ a voice in the back of my head whispered.

_Maybe. But I'm the only woman on the island. I don't have to be pretty around here. Pan wants me because I'm female, not because he finds me attractive_.

I sighed. That last part was supposed to be comforting. Where had I gone wrong? My personal pep talks used to be amazing.

Felix and I emerged on the edge of a lake, the sunlight glittering on its blue surface. The jungle stood tall and dark behind us but the presence of the looming trees did nothing to dampen the light atmosphere.

_Why was Pan so damn cheerful? _

Felix led me to a group of large boulders that sloped down into the water and sat on one. I stood around awkwardly.

"Um."

He looked up from his whittling. When did he manage to pull out his knife?

"Do you think you could maybe, uh, not look at me?"

Felix's expression suggested that 'looking at me' was the last thing he wanted to be doing. He swiveled around so his back was to me and continued sharpening something.

I exhaled a shaky breath. What to do…

I spotted a cluster of rocks that provided some sort of shelter from Felix should he turn around and ambled over to them. I spread my cloak on the slab I stood on and thanked Eddie for his too-long shirt. I'd have to fix that later but right now I was incredibly glad that it covered my hips.

The surface of the lake glittered at me teasingly and I was briefly overcome with paranoia that Pan was watching me from the water.

_Sarah, that's ridiculous. Come on, get in there. Do it for the greater good. _

I peeled off my pants and lowered myself onto the edge of the rock. The water looked to be about three feet deep from here. If I was careful enough… I pulled up my shirt around my waist and jumped in.

"Cold!" I shrieked as soon as the water hit my skin. "Oh god cold cold cold. So very, very cold."

I turned to look at Felix, hoping that he didn't turn around. His back was still to me but it almost looked as if he was shaking his head. Did he think this was _funny?_

"This isn't funny, Felix!" I shouted at him. "I'm not even halfway in and I'm freezing! If I go all the way in I'm going to die of hypothermia!"

"I don't think Peter will be very sympathetic to your apparent oversensitivity to temperature."

"Oversensitivity? _Oversensitivity?_ Why don't I throw you in here and then we'll see who's the one with _oversensitivity!" _

"Don't make me turn around," Felix drawled, apparently nonplussed by my threats.

I glared at his back and turned around, steeling myself for phase two. Taking care to keep Eddie's shirt above the water I pulled it over my head and tossed it onto the boulders.

_I'm going to regret this. I'm really, really going to regret this. _

I took a deep breath and submerged myself completely underwater.

"Ack!" I sputtered as I immediately dove out of what felt like a cold Alaskan ocean. _Fuck, why did I do that?_

Making sure to keep my back to Felix I wrapped my arms around myself and hopped clumsily in the waist-high water in an attempt to get some warmth back into my limbs. If Pan was feeling so fucking dandy today couldn't he have taken the time to make the temperature at least a little bit warmer? I hoped hypothermia killed you nicely on Neverland because there was no way I was avoiding that shit now. As I scrubbed at my arms I started to think that maybe Pan did this on purpose. Lake Matheson was nowhere near this cold when I went camping there last summer…

I giggled. That was a good trip. We spent our days swimming and trying not to wreak havoc back at camp. Will taught me how to build a fire (a skill which came more easily to me than him, to his dismay) and nearly poisoned us all with his version of what was supposed to be stir-fry. I sank down into the cold lake water to wash my hair and nearly choked when I remembered Rohan's terrified face as he backed away from what came to be known as the Dinner of Horror. 'That food is either far beyond death or about to come alive and eat us in our sleep,' he'd said. Jennifer took over the cooking after that.

"Are you almost done?" came Felix's mildly irritated voice from the shoreline.

I jumped, startled. I had been staring into space with a stupid smile on my face for what was probably an entire minute. My toes were starting to go numb.

"Yeah," I called back to Felix. "Give me a second."

I half-swam to the boulder with my belongings and made a grab for my cloak. Taking care to keep my back to him I used it to cover myself as I climbed behind another rock to change. Unfortunately the cloak was no bath towel and while it was better than nothing at all the material wasn't particularly suitable for absorbing water. _Changing without drying properly should be a special kind of torture_, I thought as I rolled Eddie's pants up to my ankles.

"Okay I'm decent!"

At my words Felix stood up immediately and headed back into the forest. Wow, looks like his holiness couldn't even bother to wait five seconds for me to climb over a bunch of boulders. I jogged to catch up with him, frantically trying to finger comb knots out of my hair. It was going to turn into a tangled yellow shag carpet if I didn't take preemptive measures.

"You guys don't have any combs or something, do you?"

Felix shot me such an incredulous look that I almost felt embarrassed.

"Well does _Pan_ have any? No way he has hair like that without taking care of it. And stop looking at me like that, you know I'm right."

"Shall I pass on the compliment?" his voice was almost mocking.

"Please don't."

_Thanks for trying so hard to keep me company, Sunshine_.

None of my friends were ever this silent.

I missed them. I missed them all, especially Will. My thoughts had been so consumed by Pan and what I could do to get away from him that I almost forgot that I would probably never see the laughing face of my best friend ever again. My stomach lurched uncomfortably as Will's contagious grin swam in my vision, his eyes almost obscured by a shock of dark red hair.

_No. Stop. You'll only make yourself feel worse. _

I turned my attention back to untangling my hair as I fell into step with my babysitter. Felix's face was so expressionless that I was beginning to suspect that Pan was secretly leeching all of his capacity for eyebrow movement. I snorted, wondering how either of them would react to such an accusation. Felix would stalk off. He didn't seem to have much tolerance for anything, least of all humor. Pan? Well, he'd give me one of his creepy smiles and try to hit on me before telling me how smelly or dirty I was.

I paled. How would he react to me now that I was clean? The thought of that murderer touching me made my stomach churn but what really made me sick was that I would have to make myself accept it.

_Remember what you originally decided on. Keep a level head but stay. Attracted. It will be less painful for everybody involved if you are._

"You have got to be kidding me," I whined and buried my face in my hands.

"Going crazy already?" Felix drawled. "And here I thought you were supposed to be so resilient."

I stared at him through my fingers in a mixture of confusion and astonishment. _Was that supposed to be a joke?_

"And who told you that? I'm the girl that can't even look at Pan without wanting to hide in a bush." Oh, how I wished that wasn't true.

"Give it some time."

I blinked. "Thanks? …I think?"

* * *

We made it back just before dinner. Felix strode away from me almost immediately after I'd entered the boundaries of the camp.

"Bye to you too!" I yelled after him. So much for unwanted skinny-dip induced bonding.

_Great, now what?_

I was scanning the campsite for any lurking Pans when my eyes landed on a familiar head of blond hair.

"Ben!"

He grinned and jogged over. "Went to the lake, huh?"

"Yeah. Do you people actually swim in there? It's freezing!"

He laughed. "At least you don't look like a soulless demon now that you're clean."

"Excuse me?"

Ben tapped his temple. "Eyes."

I deflated. "Oh. Dark brown, yeah. That can be a bit weird with blonde hair."

"'Specially when you look like the child of a swamp monster."

"It wasn't that bad!"

"You could've crawled out of a grave," Ben told me in a matter of fact tone. His teasing reminded me so much of Will it hurt.

I was momentarily torn between glaring at him and acting like a zombie. The latter won out.

"Brainsssss..."

He looked at me as though I should be put in a mental asylum. "What're you doin'?"

"Brains. Zombies. No?"

Ben shook his head slowly. "…No."

I fiddled with the sleeve of my shirt – of Eddie's shirt. How had I thought of it as my own? Since when did I even have the right to do that? I may have been given the belongings of a murdered boy but that in no way made them mine.

"You alright?"

"Huh?"

Ben watched me carefully. "You aren't gonna throw up again, are ya? Because I'd rather you didn't."

"No. I – no. It's just…" I gestured at what Pan was forcing me to wear. "Eddie."

His eyes creased in pity again. "I'm sorry. Something like that wouldn't be comfortable, even for one of us."

"Don't look at me like that, Ben. Please." I ran my hands over my face and tried to breathe properly. "I don't need pity right now. Pity implies that I can't do this. And I – I can't think like that." I felt the tears building. "Oh god, I really can't."

He looked like he wanted to bolt. I thought I should let him. Ben patted my shoulder awkwardly and I forced the tears down, trapping my emotions behind my spine. I felt my expression turn hollow.

"It's alright, I'm fine."

"Look I know this is probably the worst time," Ben started carefully and gestured over his shoulder at two armed boys. "But I have to go."

He was on guard duty today. Right.

I fiddled with the cord around my neck. "See you later, then. Don't get shot."

"I'll try not to!"

I watched him as he ran off, wondering when my customary teasing had turned into something genuine. Ben was just another Lost Boy but I didn't want him to get hurt because… because he was probably the closest thing I had to a friend in this place.

Not having the energy to deal with other boys I tossed my cloak inside my tent and made my way to the largest tree on the southern cliffside. I leaned against the maple and watched as the lowering sun set everything ablaze with light. A warm breeze twirled through the trees and I brushed the dry wisps of hair from my face, marveling at the peacefulness of the evening. If only Neverland was like this every day…

A shower of leaves fell from above and shone in the orange sunlight. I smiled and tried to catch one of the leaves but it spun just out of reach at the last moment.

"You really are awful at this."

Panic spread like fissures in my spine. Did he have to ruin every good thing I ever saw in this place? Pan smiled easily and I wondered if he made that leaf spin away just as I was about to close my hand around it. I really didn't want to deal with him right now. I didn't know if I could.

I sagged against the trunk of the maple tiredly. "Is there any chance you could go away?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "You could at least thank me for the sunset."

_Yeah, as if that was for me._

I cast a long look at the burning ocean. "Am I supposed to thank you for Eddie too? After all, I wouldn't have these clothes without him would I?"

The corner of Pan's mouth twitched before he too turned to stare out at the horizon, evidently deciding to switch tactics. "How was the lake?"

"Freezing," I bit out at him.

He smiled fully this time, though the warmth of the evening didn't quite reach his eyes. When he looked at me his gaze felt more like the icy reflection of the jungle on the lake surface – green, cold, and unforgiving.

I was hyper-aware of the thudding of my heart and how much I was fighting to keep my breaths slow and relaxed. Pan stood at a distance and didn't seem to have any intention of coming closer but I still watched him carefully. He was close enough that I could see the almost sloppy stitches on his shirt and how his eyebrows were slightly darker than his hair but far enough that he wouldn't be able to touch me if he reached out. He made no move to do so. Instead his hands dropped to his belt and he fiddled with something on the clasp, his bored expression never faltering as he watched me. It took me a moment to realize that this movement was deliberate and my eyes widened in uneasy embarrassment.

_The only way he could be more obvious is if he took his shirt off._

The image of Pan undressing rose unbidden to my mind, only he was covered in blood. His eyes glinted with victory as he wiped the crimson droplets from his face. I tore my eyes from his and focused on the darkening horizon in an attempt to shove what I had just imagined from my mind. I was scared that it might not be far from the truth.

Pan chuckled and dropped his hands, probably thinking that I looked away because I felt embarrassed.

A flare of adrenaline shot though my system as he took a step closer.

"Now, now. There's no shame in wanting something."

_Bastard._

I opened my mouth for an angry retort when a triumphant holler came from the camp.

"I told you I'd be able to cook something!" Andrew shouted.

"I'm going to dinner," I said immediately and dashed to the campfire, putting as much distance as I could between myself and Pan.

That sick psycho was way too confident in his own looks if he thought I could ignore him _killing someone_. No matter how many times anyone said that 'technically he didn't' Pan still broke a young boy's arm for his twisted definition of fun.

I made sure to stay in crowded areas for the rest of the night but avoided talking to anyone. By the time I went to bed I was too drained to even cry. My blankets felt scratchy and I kept thinking that I heard him move around in the trees before I finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

I dreamt about Pan washing blood off of himself in the lake. His hair glittered with silver droplets in the moonlight as he beckoned for me to join him. The water was warm like the night air around us and his skin felt hot under my fingertips. My hands stained red like his and he brushed my hair behind my ear, marking a line of crimson against my temple. He pulled me closer and blood spilled from his fingers onto my shoulder in a dark handprint. I looked up at him and he leaned down, down…

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**I would really love it if you let me know what you think of this story (or if there is anything in particular that you want to see more - or less - of). I may be writing this fic for myself but I'm definitely writing it for you guys too! :] **


	9. Chapter 9

**So apparently Pan and Sarah's ship name is Saran Wrap... fitting, I think, since the stuff is tricky to work with and always sticks to everything. **

**GiraffePanda2 - the problem with writing lots of scenes with Sarah and Pan (and believe me, I want to) is that this story is first and foremost from Sarah's point of view. She and Pan aren't exactly tied to each other (sadly). Thank you so much though omg I'm really glad you like it!  
****iwantsprezzatura - thank you oh man I'm always stressing about writing Felix  
****Mimoliin - I hope you like chocolate-flavored cake because that's what this story would taste like! (I lied it would actually taste of my tears.) Thank you! **

**All of you lovelies who reviewed get hugs from Ben okay :] **

**I hope chapter nine is to your liking! **

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Last night's dream left me feeling incredibly perturbed. I kept rubbing at my shoulder to try and scrub off the ghost of oozing blood.

_I never expected to understand Lady Macbeth on this level._

"Do ya have a rash or something?"

"What? Oh." I ripped my hand away from my shoulder. "No. Just… weird dream."

Ben's face twisted in sympathy. "I had one of those once. Never could look at potatoes the same way again."

"You wha- never mind. I don't want to know."

I fiddled with Felix's cord and Ben poked at the campfire with a stick. We didn't say anything for a while.

"How old are you again?" he asked. "Seventeen?"

I sighed. "Nineteen."

"Really? Ya sure don't look like it."

"Trust me," I muttered. "I'm aware. Look, is there anything I can do around here? I'm going to lose my mind from one more day of nothingness."

Ben looked skeptical. "Well we could always use more people to help make arrows. Then there's also –"

"Yes! Great. Where does that happen?"

"You want to help make weapons?"

Not really, but I'd take what I could get. "Yes."

"But you're a girl."

I was wondering when this conversation would inevitably pop up. "And I know how to handle a knife. No, shut up, I'm talking. Even if I didn't – and I do – don't you think it would make sense for me to learn? Look at where we're sitting. It's not exactly daisies and cream puffs."

The dubious look never left his eyes and I could feel my amity towards him slipping.

"Fine," Ben said.

I relaxed. Good. He could still be useful to my plan then. I ignored the sting from his words.

_Of course he doesn't see you as an equal. You're surrounded by a bunch of old-fashioned boys. _

It was a wonder Pan didn't put me in charge of the cooking. The person who gave me the closest treatment to what I would receive back home was probably Felix. He may have been too political to allow himself to act otherwise but I was still grateful. And as for our local drama queen, well, he was a mystery.

_Maybe Pan isn't sexist. Maybe he just really hates people. _

The group of boys Ben led me to took one look at me and made their answer perfectly clear: "No."

"I know how to use a knife, alright?"

"That's exactly what I'm worried about," said one of them. "You're gonna stab us!"

_No, not you. Only Andrew. Maybe Pan._

"I'm not going to stab anyone!"

The three of them looked like they didn't believe me.

"Oh come on," I muttered. "Where the fuck would stabbing anyone get me? I'd rather not get a first-class ticket to death quite yet."

A blond boy opened his mouth to protest but Ben cut him off.

"Just let her help. Here," he handed me a knife.

_Well this is certainly… different. _

The obsidian blade was about the size of my thumb and stuck out of a crude wooden handle. How the hell was I supposed to do anything with this thing?

_Act like you know what you're doing._

I plopped down between Ben and a brown-haired boy. "So how does this work? Do you guys have a special technique for making the arrow shafts? Like some sort of notch at the end or something?"

They stared at me in mild surprise.

"What? I'm not stupid. I know what arrowheads are."

The Lost Boys exchanged curious glances but one of them handed me a straight branch longer than my forearm and explained how to whittle the tip into a space for the arrowhead. My first attempt was much worse than I expected. The second wasn't much better but by the third try I felt like I was getting the hang of this arrow business. I fervently hoped these were just for training and that I wasn't helping to make things that would actually kill people. The boys around me lapsed into an easy conversation and I listened for an opening to join in. This was so much better than endless boredom.

"Yeah, I heard that too," one of them said. "How far do you think he's going to expand our borders?"

"Dunno but I hope we get the rest of the lake. I want to dive off those cliffs on the other side," commented the blond one.

"Wait, Pan's expanding borders?" I asked incredulously. "Isn't there more than enough land for you guys already? More space will only be harder to contro- _ow!_"

_Ow ow ow ow ow. _

"Shit!" I stuck the right side of my wrist in my mouth. Great, I stop paying attention for five seconds and slice my left hand open.

I pulled my hand away and stared at the cut with a grimace. A dark droplet of blood oozed slowly down my arm.

_Motherfuck, that really hurts._

Ben leaned over. "Ouch."

"Yeah," I winced. "Ouch. Do you guys have bandages somewhere or something?"

How the hell had I managed to cut myself this bad? I licked at the cut again and made a face at the taste of blood. _Ew._

"Oh, it'll heal," Ben said dismissively.

"'It'll heal'?" I asked in surprise. "Dude, I just sliced my hand open! Look at this thing, it's two fucking inches long! It'll get infected!"

"Don't be such a baby," the brown-haired boy said.

"Just - just point me to someone who has bandages."

One of them gestured to the side and I left, trying to ignore their snickers behind me. _Thanks guys._ I cleaned off the blood on my arm and studied my cut carefully. It didn't seem to be bleeding that much anymore, save for a small red line where my skin was split open. Where did Ben point again?

I was about to change directions when a hand closed around my left wrist and pulled. I cried out in both surprise and pain as Pan turned me around to face him.

"Can you let go?" I tried to pull away from him. His grip on my hand made the cut sting more. "That hurts."

A look of surprise crossed his face and he looked down at his larger hand wrapped around mine. He loosened his fingers slightly and I tried to pull my hand back again but the warning look in his eyes stopped me in my tracks. The slow chill of fear crept up my back. Pan turned my hand over.

"What?" he traced my cut lightly with the pad of his finger, tilting his head in something akin to fascination. The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile as a drop of blood beaded under his fingertip. "This?"

I winced. "Yeah." A strand of hair fell into my eyes but I was too angry with him to move it. "Now let go."

"You look so much better when you're clean." He ran his gaze lazily over my body. "I'll have to send you to the lake more often."

I studied him carefully and wondered how I could stop him from coming any closer. Pan's teasing smirk never wavered as he brushed the stray lock of hair behind my ear, leaving a line of red on my temple. My eyes fell to his lips as memories of my dream slammed into my thoughts and the complete turnaround sent my mind reeling. Heat rushed to my face and suddenly I was hyper-aware of how close he was and how much I had wanted him next to me this morning.

_Don't be attracted to him, _my mind shrieked. _He's a murderer! Murderer, murderer, murderer-! _

He arched an eyebrow, smirking wider as he stepped closer to me.

_Oh god no._

Pan's hand remained on my wrist and my body amplified every shift in that small skin on skin contact. I was disgusted with myself for reacting so pathetically to the most innocent of touches but my frustration from this morning flooded into my body with stunning force. My rationale wanted to flee, to run far away from him and his eyes and his smirk, to prolong my life by not giving him what he wanted. My mind wanted to escape but the rest of me ached for him to shove me against a tree and take everything he wanted and then some.

_This isn't enough time,_ some small shred of logic panicked. _If you let him win now he'll get bored with you that much sooner!_

That snapped me out of my stupor. "Do you mind?" I forced out and stumbled a step backwards. The movement jostled my wound and pain shot through my wrist.

_Good. It'll help keep me sober. _

The annoyed look on his face gave me strength to plow on. "Seriously, I need to get my hand bandaged. Do you know where I can get some of those, actually?"

"Why would I know that? Your injuries aren't my problem." Pan glanced back at my wrist again before releasing me.

_Real nice one you got there, Sarah._

"It is if this thing gets infected and I lose my arm."

"Perhaps you should be more careful with knives, then." He nodded his head to the side, signaling that I was allowed to leave.

I glared at him and nearly ran back to the center of camp. When I turned around to see if Pan had left he was still there watching me with narrowed eyes. I squeaked and hid behind a group of Lost Boys.

_Too close. Waaaay, way too close. _

My heart thudded in my ears and I didn't know how my nerves would be able to handle the stress that bastard put me under on a near daily basis. It didn't matter if I wanted him, what mattered was how long he would want me after he finally got me. It was difficult to believe that all of that trouble came just from one glance at his lips. How would he react if I actually kissed him? If he interpreted such small things as me staring at his mouth as forward then that meant that I couldn't show any kind of attraction to him at all. At least he wouldn't take anything by force - that was one thing I could be sure of. But I couldn't guarantee my own actions should he kiss me and that terrified me more than Pan's cruelty ever could. Who was I if I couldn't control the one thing he could never take from me – myself?

* * *

I didn't see Pan for the rest of the day, something that I was immensely grateful for. I had managed to find a Lost Boy to bandage my hand and spent the better part of the evening staring numbly at the campfire. The flames seemed so alive as they crackled through the firewood but how could they be, in a place like this? I wished the fire would tell me how it stayed so unaffected by everything here. I felt more like the charred cracking logs that slowly disintegrated into nothingness. Maybe the only reason the fire was so alive was because it fed on the corpses of trees just as Pan fed off the despair of the innocent.

_I need sleep. _

My pillow wasn't extremely welcoming to my nose as I slumped face-first into it.

"Ngh."

I rolled onto my back and stared vacantly at the tent ceiling. It stared back.

_I will get out of here,_ I thought. _I _need_ to get out of here._ _I need to get back to my parents, to Will, to college. _

I would gladly repeat a year of school if it meant getting out of here and salvaging what I could of my future. How long had I been gone? Maybe I was just one of those sad pictures of missing people at the bottom of the newspaper that no one ever looks at.

_They'd probably use a nice happy picture of me, too, as if that would somehow make it better._

I went through five different reunion scenarios in my head before I finally fell asleep.

* * *

My cord finally started showing its shrinking size when I tied the ninth knot. I had maybe three-quarters of it left. How would Felix react when I asked him for a second one? He couldn't just pick apart his belt for some newbie to make knots.

_No. That won't happen. I'll get out of here before I need a second one. I will_.

What did that mean for my plans, exactly? I'd have to stay the hell away from Pan, for one thing.

_I'd do a much better job of that if I only knew where he slept. He probably doesn't though._

The image of Pan perched high on a tree branch in the middle of the night like a demonic bat made me snort. Imaginary Pan rubbed his hands together and cackled. 'This is my island… _Mine_.'

_I should just think of that whenever he tries to make a move on me_. _"Sorry Dracula, not today." _

It wasn't exactly practical but it'd be a hell of a lot more effective than my current method of freezing and hoping he would leave. Now that I knew Pan would take even the slightest reaction as a green light, I had to be more careful than ever. Easier said than done though – Pan knew he was attractive and boy was he using it to his advantage.

Thanks to Ben's constant reassurances, my fear of Pan had faded to a quiet crackle in my bones that only made itself known when he made any sudden movements. I still wanted to bolt whenever he picked up a weapon though and had to stop myself from hiding behind Ben when he was fiddling with a crossbow this morning. I had forced myself to stand up straight and wear an expression that said 'no fear around here.'

'_No fear around here'? Sheesh. I should write children's books. _

What was with my mind lately? Maybe the air on Neverland was infused with some kind of drugs or something. That would help explain Pan's psychosis, at any rate.

I chewed on my lip thoughtfully and considered my list of allies. Ben was trustworthy but not powerful, while Felix was just the opposite.

_Aaaand that's where the list ends. Great first week, Sarah. You deserve a cupcake. _

_No,_ I thought. _I can do this._

Felix was untrustworthy at the moment but that didn't mean that I wouldn't be able to trust him in the future. His understanding of Neverland's political structure would be instrumental to gaining information and magic. I'd initially hoped to consult the natives but that was looking less and less like a possibility every day. I tugged on my sleeve in discomfort. What did that leave, then? Pan? Like that would work. Though perhaps I could make use of his shadow…

That opened up another crate of questions that I just wasn't ready to deal with such as, did he even control the damn thing?

"Lunch is served!" someone yelled.

_Thank god. It's about damn time._

I stuck my time-keeping cord under my shirt and tried to push through the crowd of hungry Lost Boys. I narrowly dodged an elbow to the face and got stepped on twice before I finally grabbed my share. The near-violent quest for food no longer felt strange to me and I joined the arrow boys at the base of some sort of tree that looked like it belonged in the Amazon. I had only spoken to them once before and managed to make a fool of myself but I couldn't see Ben or Felix anywhere.

"So," I said trailed off in the awkward silence. "Do you guys have anyone named Waldo around here?"

The three exchanged looks, silently deciding whom to offer up to entertain the crazy new girl.

Finally one of them spoke. "Are we supposed to?"

"Well, no. I was just wondering if no one ever finds him cause he's, you know, a _Lost_ Boy."

My stunning comedic prowess was lost – _ha, lost_ – on all of them and all I got for my efforts was another round of strange looks.

_Yeah, that one was a long shot. It's still funny though._

I raised my hands in a placating gesture. "Serious question though. Where the hell does all this grain come from? Last time I checked you guys don't exactly specialize in farming." I nodded at a crossbow at one of the boys' feet.

"The tribe," one said.

"I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but _I'm new._ What you just said doesn't mean anything to me."

The brown-haired boy rolled his eyes. "Pan doesn't attack them and in exchange they give us part of their harvest."

Okay, that made sense. But there was one small problem.

"Doesn't a harvest require seasons?"

"How would we know?" the third one cut in. "You said yourself that we aren't farmers."

I could hear the metaphorical door slam in my face. "You're my favorite," I said to the brown-haired boy and stood up.

The rude blond one snorted. "Hear that, Mark? You're her favorite."

I had to stop myself from making a face at him.

"What's this I hear about favorites?" Pan asked from behind me.

"How do you keep doing that?!" I was so beyond sick of him sneaking up on me.

"Perhaps you should just be more observant," he said with a shrug.

_Better to spare myself the embarrassment of having the Arrow Trio witness the amazing loss of dignity I'm about to suffer. _

I made a beeline for the pile of dirty dishes near the campfire on the off chance that Pan would leave me alone. He didn't.

_Might as well make some use of the situation._

"How do the natives even grow anything here?"

Pan shot me a curious glance. "What do you mean?"

"Well… Neverland doesn't really have seasons, right? I heard one of the boys talking about it."

"I don't bother myself with the details," he said dismissively. "All they have to do is give me my share."

I watched Pan's face and wondered if he practiced some sort of eyebrow calisthenics. How the hell were those things constantly moving?

"Yeah, about that…" My voice faded as I noticed Pan fiddling with his knife. I took a step back.

He grinned. "Scared?"

_I saw you break a boy's arm, what the fuck do you think?_

I forced myself to shrug. "Of course not." Pan looked like he wanted to say something else and I cut him off before he did anything to make my fear show. "Why do they give you all this food anyway? What did you do to them?"

"Let's just say I had a… conversation with their leader."

_Oh god._

"And they didn't try to do anything to you after that?"

Pan laughed. "No."

"Must have been some conversation."

He raised an eyebrow at my comment. The constant movement was starting to become distracting. "They know that I am more powerful and – "

"Do your eyebrows always do that?" I blurted.

_Shit._

Pan expected that outburst even less than I did. "What?"

_Finish this thing properly, Sarah. No weakness, right? Stand up straight and think 'murder.' _

"Just wondering if you know how to control your eyebrows. They look like they're trying to escape from your face." Honestly, I couldn't blame them.

Pan's left eyebrow rose so far that it nearly disappeared into his hair. The affronted look on his face would have been almost comical if I hadn't known the boy before me was capable of cruelty. I forced the memories of Eddie's last night far into the back recesses of my mind.

"Perhaps you should be the judge if you stare at them so often."

I couldn't tell if he was pissed off or amused but neither one of those ended well in my experience.

"They're really distracting, okay?" I really didn't want to get into a conversation that required any amount of wit right now.

"Of all the things you could find distracting about me, it's my eyebrows," he lamented with a mocking pout.

My gaze wavered on his mouth for a second too long and the corner of his lips twitched into a smirk.

He hummed. "Well maybe not _just_ my eyebrows."

_Time to run._

Pan took one step forward and I immediately took one step back.

He shook his head in mock disappointment. "How many times must I tell you that I'm not going to hurt you, Sarah? Well," his eyes glinted. "Not unless you want me to."

"I don't want you to do _anything_ to me." I took another step back, automatically on the defensive.

"Really? And what was it that you said when I was intending to kill you?" He looked annoyed that I didn't turn into a blushing mess.

_And I would be, if he hadn't mentioned pain. _

I had to stop thinking about Eddie.

"I was sleep deprived and terrified. Anything was better than death." Now _I_ was the one who was pissed off.

"Be stubborn all you want," he said, his expression darkening. "But I _will_ have you."

"You must be severely deluded if you think I'm going to sleep with a murderer."

"Oh, but you won't care about that." Pan tilted his head. "And I will win."

After what happened with Eddie my being obstinate was more important than ever. I narrowed my eyes at Pan and tilted my chin up. "And what if _I_ win?"

Pan didn't seem fazed at all. If anything, he looked almost pleased. "You seem awfully sure of yourself for someone who is absolutely powerless."

_Say something say something say something. _

"I still own my body."

"Do you?" Pan's mouth stretched in a predatory smile. "Do you really?"

I glared balefully at him. This guy was exhausting. Typical, really, reminding me that he could always choose to take what he wanted. The only reason I was calling the shots was because he was convinced that I would genuinely want him. Still, his motivations didn't make him any less scary and his grin did exactly what it was meant to – it terrified me.

Pan laughed, low and sinister. "No." His expression turned disturbingly calm. "You're mine now."

* * *

**Sarah just can't catch a break, can she (I'm not sorry) **

**Drop me a review? **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello lovelies! I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next week as I'll be traveling during the weekend (but on the bright side I'll have two weeks of spring break so that means longer chapters). **

**Mimoliin - *casually assembles sprinkles cannon* They're dinosaur-shaped, I hope you don't mind.  
GiraffePanda2 - *jumps through reviews like young Harry through his Hogwarts letters*  
Once again, those who reviewed get Ben hugs and an insult from Andrew. (He only does insults. Sorry.) ^.^ **

**Hope you guys like this chapter! **

* * *

If Pan was a burrito he would only have three fillings: seduction, and evil. The specialty meals would come with a side of 'intelligent psychopath' and a bottle of egotism.

I wasn't quite sure what had gotten me onto this topic but if it revealed anything it all it was that I missed fast food. The Lost Boys were all properly fed, of course, but Neverland didn't offer much opportunity for a varied diet. The constant meat and grains was starting to wear on me. I almost felt like asking Pan for a fruit tree or two since he seemed to be able to control everything on this island. I imagined how quickly that conversation would turn into him coming onto me and immediately decided that perhaps I was better off without my peaches and apples. Still, there had to have been some variety in what these guys ate or I'm pretty sure that the Lost Boys would have long since revolted by now.

It was either no fruit or no Pan. I wished both those options sounded equally unappealing. Pan may have been creepy but he was still attractive and, above all, showed an interest in me (no matter how dangerous said interest was). I wasn't so much afraid of him as I was of giving him the satisfaction of winning what he had come to call our 'little game.' Did everything always have to come back to games with him?

_If Neverland is a chessboard then Pan has a full set of pieces and all I'm left with is a measly pawn. Bastard probably doesn't even have a king anyway, just two queens. _

Still, even a pawn could become the most powerful piece on the board if the player thought far enough ahead. Besides, it didn't look like Pan wanted to wipe me off the map but rather assimilate me into his mutated chess piece army. I idly wondered what piece Felix would be. A knight, maybe? No, their movement was too limited. And not a rook, either – those were much too straightforward.

_Heh, because they only move in straight lines, get it?_

I needed to stop making my own jokes.

No, Felix was most likely the second queen, if anything. Only that second queen was subservient to Pan on all accounts.

Well, if Pan wanted a game then I'd give him a game.

_I may be just a pawn right now, but give me enough time and I _will_ become a queen. _

"Matthews." Ben's voice jolted me out of my attempt at self-empowerment.

_I can't believe all that started with burritos._

"What?"

"You wanted to know my last name. Took me a while to remember it, too… sorry bout that."

"Ben Matthews?"

He made a face. "Actually it's Benjamin."

I giggled. 'Benjamin' made him seem so much younger than he already was. I had to remind myself that he was fifteen.

"So what's yours?"

"Oh, um, mine's Pet-" I choked. "Potter! It's Potter."

Ben laughed. "Sarah Potter?"

"Nothing wrong with the last name Potter."

_Better than the real thing, trust me. As if Pan didn't need another reason to lay claim on me. Oh, he'd have a field day if he ever found out. _

"Never said there was," Ben teased. "So are you gonna keep helping make arrows?"

I sighed. "Probably." It was tedious work – one whole arrow took several hours to make – but I didn't really see any alternatives around camp. "I mean, I can probably also help mend things if you happen to have sewing needles and stuff but for the time being, yeah. I'm all about arrows."

* * *

The rest of the day passed rather smoothly, except for a brief interlude when poor Felix had to supervise my second trip to the lake. The water wasn't any warmer this time. Neither was Felix's conversation. I combed my fingers through my wet hair and hoped that it would dry neater than last time. If Pan really didn't have any combs lying around (he probably did and no one would be able to convince me otherwise) then the only way I'd be able to take care of the nest on my head is by making one myself.

_Definitely have to fix my –Eddie's – clothes first though_, I thought irritably after tripping over my pants for what seemed like the tenth time. Felix cast me an amused glance.

"Hey, it's not like it's my fault that my pants are so long."

"You can fix them when we return."

_Hold up._

"You guys have sewing needles?"

Felix gave me a bland look. "Where do you suppose our clothes come from? The sky?"

I almost wanted to congratulate him on his humor, dry as it was. "I kind of thought Pan just used magic. Or the natives. Maybe a fairy."

Where the hell was Tinkerbell? I wasn't sure I wanted to find out.

"Sometimes the things you say make me wonder where Peter was looking when he spared you."

_Thanks, Sunshine. I can always count on you._

"Probably at my chest, honestly."

"Fair enough."

"Hey, when I'm in need of compliments, I'll let you know."

I could have just imagined it but I thought I saw him roll his eyes. "Ask all you want but you'll only get them once every few days."

"Huh?"

"Pan wants you to visit the lake on a regular basis and I'm the only one he trusts enough to watch you."

"And you intend to make yourself an absolute nuisance," I said flatly.

"Think of it as extra incentive," he drawled.

"Incentive for what?"

"To invite him with you and free me from all this."

My face turned red. "I think I would much rather tolerate you and your insults."

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Whatever you say, princess."

When we returned to camp Felix directed me to what appeared to be a supply tent and left me to my own devices. Yeah, I could only handle so much of him at one time as well. The inside of the tent was incredibly disorganized and I couldn't help but feel slightly put out as I began my search. Despite my best efforts, fifteen minutes of frustrated foraging yielded nothing more than a spool of what I assumed to be string.

But the needle… Where was the needle?

I dug through the crate where I found the string one more time. Where the hell was that thi-

"Fuck!" Why did I keep stabbing myself on things? I carefully poked around the pile of cloth that seemed to fancy itself a scorpion and pulled out a tiny silver needle. "There you are!"

I climbed out of the tent and nearly yelped in surprise – something dark was hovering right in front of my face. "Oh sweet Jesus!"

I stared wide-eyed at Pan's shadow. I never thought I'd ever have to describe a shadow as tactile but this one looked, well…

_Don't poke it. Don't poke it._

I couldn't decide if it looked more like velvet or rubber. A combination of the two seemed even more unappealing. Despite its texture, the shadow appeared almost translucent and I could see the campfire glow faintly through its stomach.

Pan's shadow tilted its head and its glowing green eyes watched me emotionlessly. It floated several feet off the ground and didn't seem to have any inclination of moving. I edged carefully around it, keeping a walking pace simply because 1) Pan didn't want me dead and 2) even if I ran the shadow would probably catch me anyway. It didn't follow me and I quickly shuffled into my tent and away from its stare.

Those empty green eyes… I shivered.

* * *

The bright side of the evening was that my clothes were tailored and I was no longer tripping over empty air. The downside was that Andrew beat me to the last portion of my favorite stew at dinner. I vowed to get him back for that one.

The night was oddly warm but an invariable chill still crept up the cliffs from the coastline. I wasn't sure how cold air could move upwards but hey, if Pan willed it, it happened. This is precisely why I was worried – he was either on the prowl or irritable. The boys knew this too and everyone had retreated to their respective sleeping areas rather early tonight. So why the hell was I taking a walk when Pan was in the most dangerous mood for my predicament?

I edged quietly around a cluster of tents and tiptoed to the large maple overlooking the cliffs, grateful that Eddie's shirt had long sleeves. I sank to the ground and leaned against the trunk, breathing in the fresh air. My tent had become too stifling. Maybe I'd just spent too much time in it today but I couldn't get comfortable no matter what I did. It was like the blankets themselves didn't want to cover me with sleep. The breeze swirled around me for a moment before everything went completely still.

"Out at night again, I see."

I suppressed a groan. _Of course._ My hypothesis of Pan being a nocturnal bat was starting to look more and more plausible with each passing day.

"I could say the same to you."

I couldn't see him but I suspected that Pan did one of his patented eyebrow movements at my comment.

He gave a noncommittal hum. The sound felt cold to my ears and I stood up to leave, not wanting to risk a repeat of the last time he found me here at night.

"Going somewhere?" he asked lightly.

_Mood swings. Oh, no._

"I'm going to go sleep." It came out like a question.

The soft lilt of his voice sounded right above my ear. "Not yet."

I squeaked as he held me from behind, his warm breath fanning over the side of my face.

"Aren't you tired of this game of ours, Sarah?" he murmured. If he leaned in any closer his lips would be on my ear. "Don't you want this to be over?"

_Not in the way you think I do. Well, maybe a little bit in the way you think I do. _

"And lose your game?" I asked him. "No thanks." I was too exhausted to even react to his proximity.

Pan's chest shook as he laughed. "Looks like someone's getting used to me."

"Well I kind of live with you last time I checked. Getting used to you is a bit of a necessity."

"Oh, you don't live with me just yet," he commented in an almost offhanded tone.

_What the hell was that supposed to mean?_

The playful breeze picked up again, swirling strands of my forever-tangled hair into my face. Pan took the opportunity to brush them away.

"Can we do this later?" I finally asked him.

"Later?" His voice bordered on surprise.

"Yeah, later. As in not now. And it's in your interest too cause I'm way too tired for any kind of response to all this."

"Promises, promises," he murmured in my ear.

Pan's grip on my waist tightened before he let go and a cold rush of air against my back signaled his disappearance.

_Yeah, I should probably go to bed._

I turned around and nearly screamed for the second time in twenty-four hours. A pair of glowing blue eyes was watching me curiously from the trees. I stumbled backwards in adrenaline-induced fear and nearly ran to my tent.

Wasn't there only supposed to be one shadow on this island?

* * *

Pan seemed to be back to his usual cheerfully creepy self the next day. Ben suspected that yesterday's shift in his mood had something to do with members of the western tribe not wanting to obey his orders.

"Do they have a name?" I asked him.

"What?"

"You keep calling them 'western tribe.' Don't you guys know what they call themselves?"

Ben looked like he hadn't considered this before and shrugged. "Well we can't exactly ask 'em now, can we?"

"No, I guess not."

I made a mental note to find out the name of their tribe in case it came in handy with persuading them that I was in fact on their side.

_Don't get too ahead of yourself._

"I wonder if anyone knows what – yo Felix!"

Sunshine stopped in his tracks and swiveled around to face me. "What is it this time, Sarah?"

"What, no 'hello'? I was wondering if you knew about any developments with the WT?"

Ben frowned. "'WT?'"

"Abbreviation for the tribe."

"Oh."

Felix tilted his head. "Well of course I know."

"Thanks ever so much," I said flatly. "Could you perhaps divulge some of this top-secret information to two exemplary citizens of this vegetated metropolis?"

_Maybe 'metropolis' was pushing it a little._

"They tried to cross our borders yesterday."

Ben and I exchanged surprised looks.

"Did they?"

"Where?"

Felix looked like he didn't want to be seen associating with the likes of us. "Pan took care of it."

"Well that answered absolutely nothing," Ben remarked as Felix left.

"Except that Pan hurt and maybe killed more people." I rubbed my arms.

"S'not like he did it with his own bare hands. He could have sent the shadow to do it."

That didn't make me feel any better. He'd touched me last night. He'd touched me with hands that could have broken a man's neck only minutes earlier. And that second shadow…

_No, Pan was wrong. I'll never get used to him._

"You should stay away from our borders," Ben said with a frown. "Pan or no Pan there's only two of him and who knows how many natives."

"And that's assuming he'll even bother to protect me," I commented. "But it's not like I don't know that, Ben. I'm not five."

"You're still young."

"Um, I'm older than you."

His eyebrows drew together. "No you're not. Not really."

I stared at him in surprise. How was this young boy so grown up in a place that was meant to be a home to children?

_Pan is how_, I thought bitterly. Ben was just harder to corrupt than most.

"_Oh!_ Oh, I'm such an idiot! That's where!"

"…Ben? Are you okay?"

"I can't believe I didn't notice it before! I'm such an idiot - of course Felix told us everything, he was just being Felix and we were too stupid to notice."

I had never seen Ben quite so excited. "We were supposed to notice something?"

"The border crossing? That was at Dead Man's Peak."

"You say this like it's supposed to mean something to me."

He didn't stop his wild gesticulations. "That's where the Spring is. Drink from it and it'll heal anything, even Dreamshade."

"Whoa hold up. _Anything?_"

"Anything."

_Will it remove Pan's head from his ass?_

"So… the tribe needs medicine, that's what you're saying?"

"Most likely. They've always wanted access to the water but Pan expanded our borders just before you came here."

Things were starting to come together now. "So that's why that boy came back hurt."

Ben nodded.

"And why – oh god that's why _Eddie_-" I needed to go calm down. The clothes I wore felt foreign against my skin again.

"Things are usually more peaceful," he tried to sound comforting. "Sometimes."

"Sometimes."

"Take it up with Pan, not me."

"As much as all of this sickens me I think I'd rather not."

I couldn't believe Pan was denying people _medicine_ for his own selfish needs. The boys didn't even seem to use it that often as I'd never heard anything about it before today. That put a whole new spin on why we were 'the enemy.' Did he deny the natives access to the spring completely? It wouldn't make sense for them to react quite so violently if he at least rationed it or named a price. The more time I spent on Neverland, the more messed up this place seemed to become.

* * *

There was something about waking up on an imaginary island for a week and a half that made me extremely irritable. That something was Pan.

"Do you have any concept of personal space? I know you're trying to seduce me and all here but for fuck's sake." I ignored his raised eyebrow and plowed on. "There comes a point where hovering over someone is no longer attractive and just falls into the realm of creepy."

I wondered if he could tell that I was exaggerating. He couldn't be creepy when he was this close, not anymore. Not since that blasted dream that sent my common sense away with a cheery wave. It didn't even think to send me a postcard from the faraway land where it currently resided.

"Well," Pan said, stepping closer to me, "if I really am, as you so eloquently put it, 'creepy'…" He tilted his head with an amused smirk. "Then why are you blushing?"

Fuck, why did he have to notice these things? I took a step back to widen the distance between us and my back collided with a tree.

_When did that happen?! _

Pan looked like he couldn't be more pleased with the situation.

_Fucker probably moved that tree there himself._

"That's called a sunburn, Pan."

"A sunburn that only appears when I come near you?" He stepped forward again.

"Maybe I'm just allergic to you_._"

He stood so close that our chests were almost touching and looked down at me with an interested expression. I set my jaw and stared at him defiantly as Pan reached forward and slowly twirled a lock of my hair in his fingers. His face didn't betray any kind of emotion except a lukewarm annoyance and vague interest and I considered sticking my tongue out at him. His gaze dropped to my mouth.

_No, I really should stick my tongue out at him._

Pan tucked the stray lock of hair behind my ear and heat rushed to my face again. "Perhaps you should stay in the shade today," he commented.

"Perhaps you should stop being so arrogant."

I was about to turn my head away in feigned disinterest when his warm hands settled on my hips.

_Oh fuck_.

He pressed his body against mine and I stared out past his shoulder, trying to ignore the heat radiating off of him. My nails dug into my palms and I focused on that, keeping a straight face and blocking out his breath on my skin and how much I wanted him to kiss me. I wouldn't give in. I wouldn't show that I wanted him. I wouldn't.

"Stubborn as ever, I see," Pan murmured. "Still, I like a challenge."

A thrill of anticipation ran through my body at the promise behind his words. I focused on keeping my breathing steady.

One of his hands left my hips and he tilted my chin up. "You can't even look at me." His voice was almost gleeful. "No, maybe this won't be so difficult after all."

_Be neutral be expressionless oh god oh god…_

His thumb brushed the corner of my mouth and I gasped, immediately thinking that I was done for, that he was going to kiss me and I would lose. Pan stayed still for several long moments before the warm pressure of his body suddenly vanished and I heard his receding footsteps crunch on the ground. I slumped shakily against the pine, angry with myself for wanting to go after him and shove _him_ against a tree and watch as he froze in nervous anticipation of what I was going to do to him.

No. That was way, way too close. Pan was already acting like he won – and he might as well be if I didn't stop thinking like that. I whined in frustration at the thought of weeks or maybe months of this madness. Now way would I last that long. No way I wanted to.

That thought jolted me back to reality. I was slipping.

* * *

**Give Sarah some mental support, leave a review! ^.^ **


	11. Chapter 11

**Really wish I owned OUaT, but alas, I do not. **

**GiraffePanda2 - yeah, that was a typo that I didn't catch while editing *hides* Thank you so much for your kind words - a simple fanfic doesn't deserve such high opinions. Here, I made Andrew bake you a cookie.  
****InterceptionSunset - Eeek thank you! ^.^ this story began as an antithesis to the unsubstantiated 'love at first sight' trope, actually - but that doesn't mean that Sarah can't struggle with a little (okay, a lot of) physical attraction ;)  
Hope Diamond & MidnightAlley - Thank you! Ben sends you his love :) **

**The plot advances! Hope you lovelies like this chapter :) **

* * *

I was two weeks into my misadventure with Pan and I hadn't gotten killed or terribly maimed yet. I thought I deserved an award. Life on Neverland with Pan had shifted into a kind of rhythm – I'd get up and go to breakfast, then help out the boys with their arrows. Pan would try to seduce me sometime between lunch and dinner and at the end of the day all of the Lost Ones sat around the campfire exchanging jokes, threats, and stories. I actually had to commend Pan on his pseudo-parenting; in all the history of the Lost Boys there wasn't even a single suicide (though I suspected that this had to do with other circumstances such as Pan's intolerance for weakness). And surviving with him, well… That was a feat in and of itself. I felt like baking all of the Lost Boys a cake.

_If only a cake could help us with our WT problem. _I blinked. _'Our'? Their._ Their_ WT problem. I'm not a part of this. _

The hostility between the Lost Boys and the WT had escalated in the previous two days. There had been one more attempt at a border breach and another boy returned from patrol with several bruises. I was told that the Lost Boys had seen worse but the camp was still abuzz with speculation of how far the WT was willing to take this conflict. As such my biweekly trips to the lake were, for the time being, postponed.

"Where the hell am I supposed to wash then? Remember how you literally shoved me away because I 'smelled bad' that first time?"

Pan looked like he wanted to roll his eyes. "You can go to the beach if you really want to."

I blanched. "And walk three miles?"

He shrugged. "It's your choice. But you won't be going to the lake any longer."

"But Felix said there isn't even any point for the WT to cross the border there!"

"They seem rather desperate this time."

I groaned. "Great."

"Can't have you dying without my permission," Pan said simply, studying his nails.

"_Without your permission?_"

This guy's crazy never failed to surprise me.

"Of course," he bared his teeth in a smile, eyes glinting dangerously. "Who do you take me for? I always take care of what is mine."

"Yours?" I sputtered, offended. "I'm not _yours_!"

Pan grinned at me easily but the vicious flame behind his eyes remained lit. "Of course you are. You're here, aren't you?"

_Maybe my future grossness will stop him from hitting on me for a while. My hormones need a rest._

"If that's what helps you sleep at night," I muttered and moved to walk past him.

"I can think of other, more… _pleasing_ things to help me sleep at night."

My face burned. _I walked right into that one, didn't I?_

"Keep trying, Pan. Maybe one day you'll get there."

"And I have all the time in the world to make you surrender," he called after me.

I strode away from him and dove behind a tree as soon as his back was turned. This was so not working. I didn't know how long I could last with Pan waiting around almost every corner. The chase kept him interested, but then what? His determination to get me in his bed made me rethink my original hypothesis of his tiring of me. If he was putting this much effort in then maybe my life might not be so short after he succeeded, after all.

_And he will succeed,_ I thought. _The only way he wouldn't is if I got off of this island by some miracle._ _Too bad 'PIE' has been completely eliminated from the equation by my stupid hormones. _

A familiar drawl made me jump. "Resorted to such juvenile tactics as hiding?"

"Oh shut up. I don't see Pan coming on to you." I peered around the tree. Pan was still where I left him, talking to some Lost Boy with blood on his face that was holding a crossbow.

"He knows you hide from him, you know. He finds it funny."

"Well he would, wouldn't he?" I frowned for a moment. My only plans for escape revolved around the WT but I didn't even know if they had the means to help me. "Who else on this island has access to magic? Besides Pan, I mean."

Felix eyed me. "Why?"

"I want to know which people I shouldn't piss off."

"For you? Everybody."

"I'm serious, Sun- Felix."

"Some of the natives know." He cast me a meaningful glance. "But you don't need to know who as it would be incredibly dangerous and stupid for you to go see them."

That settled it, then. I would sit tight for the time being and as soon as an opportunity presented itself, be it in the form of a WT prisoner or not, I would get in contact with the tribe and hopefully score myself a ticket home. Assuming I would even survive long enough for an exploitable situation such as that, my insane plan would include a lot of sneaking around - sneaking around on an island that I still didn't know.

_I've gotta fix that._

"Better run," Felix said in the closest tone to amusement that I'd ever heard him use. "Looks like Pan's coming."

I whirled around to confirm that Pan was, in fact, approaching. "Nice seein' ya, Felix," I said quickly and darted to a somewhat isolated cluster of tents in the jungle.

I peered over the top of one and observed the situation. Felix said something and cast a glance in my direction. Pan laughed. I narrowed my eyes. That little shit told him I was hiding!

_Your betrayal stings deep, Sunshine._ _And here I was thinking that Pan was just omniscient. _

I strained my ears to hear what they were saying but only caught snippets of conversation. Pan said something about the tribe and nodded in my direction.

I ducked down behind the tent. "Shit!"

"What the hell?" a disgruntled voice from the inside of the tent barked.

I squeaked and fell backwards.

Andrew poked his head out of the tent and glared. "Of course it's you."

"Shh!" I hissed at him.

"Oh, want me to be quiet, do you?" he asked in a much too loud voice.

"Andrew! Shut up!" I gestured wildly to the main camp. "Pan!"

He rolled his eyes irately and dragged himself back into his tent with a grumble of "as if _you_ could hide from _him_." There was a beat of silence before he muttered, "Some people are trying to sleep here you know."

_In the middle of the day?_

"Sorry," I muttered, mostly out of habit.

I sat cross-legged on the ground and rubbed my face tiredly. People like Andrew got to take naps, but me? Oh no, I was stuck running away from everything my body wanted.

_There's nothing I hate more than this question but- why me?_

I picked at the fourteen knots on the cord wrapped around my left wrist. The skin there stung slightly but my old cut was mostly healed by now. I pursed my lips together.

_Two weeks. I've been missing for two weeks. _

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration and leaned forward to peer around the tent only to stare at… shoes? I froze in embarrassed horror and looked up slowly at the smirking face of Pan. He waved as if to say, 'hello.' My face turned red. He took several steps back and waited for me to stand up and follow him. I briefly entertained the idea of staying on the ground like a petulant child just to spite him.

_Why is he so fucking cheerful? 'Hey Pan, murdered more people lately?' _

I really didn't want to know.

"Couldn't stay away from me for even fifteen minutes?" I asked him after we were no longer in earshot of Andrew.

"Don't leave the main camp," Pan said without preamble.

"What?" I asked in surprise. "First the lake is off-limits and now so is everything else?"

_Even the Whale? I love the Whale!_

He rolled his eyes in aloof frustration. "Don't make me lock you in."

"Yes, because tents work so well to prevent escape."

"Oh, not your tent," he said, his voice light again. "I live in a much sturdier space."

I paled. "You're threatening to lock me in _your bedroom_?"

"Well I'd rather tie you to my bed, but we can't have everything. Keeping you in my general chambers will have to do." He grinned predatorily. "No need to sound so averse to the idea. I might think you don't really want me."

How the hell was this guy so hell-bent on keeping me alive and yet treating me like some animal? Anything that ever happened to me here only occurred because it made me more appealing to him personally.

"Oh, I'm pretty averse."

"Didn't anyone tell you lying is unladylike?"

I bristled. _Did he really just -?_ "Oh you do _not_ get to pull some old-fashioned sexist card on me!"

"So you admit to lying, then."

"That's not what – no!" How did he make me want to slap him and shove him against a tree at the same time? This wasn't fair.

He laughed condescendingly. "It's so funny watching you try to resist me."

_It'll be funnier watching me punch your face in._

"Still working though, isn't it?" I glared at him and waved my hands theatrically. "Look, _not touching you!_"

Pan raised an eyebrow and ran his tongue over his teeth. He stepped closer, voice low again. "But don't you want to be?"

_Oh come on. He does this every five minutes, I swear to god._

"The only pan I want to be touching is a frying pan, and that's so I can hit you with it."

His genuine bark of laughter startled me. "I'll believe that when I see it," he chuckled. "Remember," he called over his shoulder, voice returning to its usual cold tone. "No leaving, or you'll have to answer to me."

I was bowled over with the realization of my stupidity as I watched his retreating back. If I'd threatened him like that ten days ago I would probably be tied to a tree right now. That or he'd sick Andrew on me.

_Jesus, Pan sees me as so utterly harmless that he'll let me make empty threats at him. _

Though he probably didn't see me as 'harmless' so much as he thought me weak. That was more his style.

* * *

I grinned at my finished work in triumph. "Hey, this actually looks like an arrow!"

The dark-haired boy grudgingly admitted that it did. I suspected his name was Mark.

"You could actually kill someone with that," Ben added encouragingly.

"Can you maybe not remind me about that?" I asked him. I'd been itching to find a new job ever since a Lost Boy came back hurt yesterday and Pan had announced that problems with the WT were escalating.

"Come on, Potter," he laughed. "You're keeping us safe!"

"That isn't making me feel any be- hang on, what did you just call me?"

The other three boys exchanged curious glances.

"Am I not allowed to use your last name?" Ben asked, still grinning.

_No. It makes me feel too much like the Chosen One. Plus it isn't my real last name anyway._

"Your last name is Potter?" asked Mark. "Seriously?"

I threw up my hands in frustration. "Why does no one believe me?"

_Oh yeah, probably because I'm lying._

"Mark, Adrian, I believe it's your turn to patrol tonight," Pan's authoritative voice sounded from behind me.

"_Holy-!_" I jumped and whirled around to face him. "Do you _have_ to always do that?" I was still bitter about him sneaking up on me behind Andrew's tent.

Pan raised an eyebrow in amusement before casting a glance at Mark and whichever one of the boys was Adrian. My brain simply couldn't process any more names.

The two of them said their 'yes Pan's and ran off.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything," Pan said lightly to the rest of us.

"Nah," Ben waved it off. "Just talkin' about last names."

Pan's eyebrows rose. "Last names, huh? Care to share?"

_Yeah, you go first 'Pan'._

"Mine's Matthews."

"I don't remember," the other boy offered.

Pan turned expectantly to me.

_Oh hell. _

I tried to maintain eye contact and keep my expression empty as he waited. "Potter."

He didn't say anything and I pulled at the cord around my wrist. If he knew I was lying… Pan's gaze dropped to my hand and I froze, adopting the most innocent expression I could manage.

"Potter?"

His face changed as soon as I stuttered out the affirmative.

Pan eyed me coldly. "Well isn't that interesting. You're lying to me again. It's amusing when you're denying your attraction but now…"

I felt myself go pale. Ben, bless him, took one look between us and grabbed the third boy's arm to pull him away.

"No I'm not," I said, raising my chin and meeting his gaze.

His eyes gleamed like a predator's as he circled me, stopping inches away from my body. I felt his breath on my face. "I don't like liars."

His hand wrapped around my forearm in a firm grip to keep me in place and I squeaked, remembering what happened to Eddie.

"Now why don't you tell me the truth?" He hissed. "And it should be interesting, seeing as how you're going to such lengths to hide it from me."

When I made no move to speak, his eyes hardened and he tilted his head.

"Now, now… Must you lie about your last name too?" he murmured, reaching for his belt. My eyes flickered toward the knife he kept there. "Don't make me convince you." His lip curled in a snarl and my eyes fell to the ground.

_Maybe I can find some shred of pride down there_.

"It's…" I exhaled, squeezing my eyes shut. I almost didn't want to open them again. "It's 'Peters'. My name is Sarah Peters."

Pan looked at me, a deranged flame of pleasure dancing in his eyes. He ran his tongue along his teeth and grinned widely. "Is it now?"

"Fuck off," I muttered and tried to pull away from him.

Before I knew what was happening he grabbed my waist and shoved me against the nearest tree. My head hit the wood with a thump and I groaned, resisting the urge to bring my hand up.

_Motherfuck. _

Pan pressed his free hand onto the tree above my shoulder and leaned down close to my face. I ignored my terror and stared defiantly at the tip of his nose.

"You," he said in a deadly quiet tone that made me flinch, "are _mine_." He grabbed my chin in his hand and forced me to look at him. The warm green of his irises seemed out of place on his chilling expression. "You'd do well to remember that. Don't disobey me in the future."

Pan pushed himself away from the tree and disappeared into the jungle, leaving me standing there frozen and very much afraid.

* * *

I really didn't want to explain to Ben why I kept flinching whenever Pan raised a hand. How had I even managed to lull myself into thinking that he had no reason to hurt me? He may have liked the chase but at this point I had a terrible feeling that it was making him more angry than interested. I fidgeted with my knife.

_He's more forward than ever and I'm too scared to let him touch me. Back to fucking square one. Oh god, I have to get over this. _

I almost couldn't believe what I was thinking. Get over a display of violence like that? This wasn't E- this wasn't someone else. This was _me_. I jerked as Ben grabbed my hand.

"Might wanna stop that before you hurt yourself again."

I looked down at my hands. The knife was pressing dangerously far into the skin of my palm. I hadn't even noticed it was doing that.

"Just take it." I shoved it at Ben and stood up.

I needed to focus. I just – I just needed to go calm down and focus again. I could do this. I could get out of here.

_As long as I play the part of a perfect little servant to Pan_.

I hated the idea of swallowing my comments and letting him walk all over me but I didn't know what else to do except act like a scared little girl to placate him. What I hated even more was that it wasn't far from the truth. I ran a hand through my hair roughly as I walked briskly towards the maple on the cliff. That spot had become a kind of security blanket over the past weeks. I leaned against the trunk and exhaled a shaky breath. I was losing it. I had to go somewhere, anywhere, and yet I couldn't leave camp. I needed to get out. I needed to feel like myself again.

I looked up at the sunlight shining through the leafy canopy of the maple. The branches rose toward the sky like a ladder, promising to lift me high into the sky. I grasped the lowest branch with a newfound determination and pulled myself into the tree. The climb to the top was longer than I expected but it was nothing compared to the freedom I felt as I looked out over the leaves and out at the glistening ocean. The wind rushed around me and swept away the stifling fear I'd felt ever since Pan lashed out at me.

A pair of bluebirds chased each other though the treetops and I watched them with an odd sense of longing. Couldn't Pan just be normal? What was wrong with sweet talk or maybe flowers? That would work a lot better for him instead of – no. I had to stop thinking about that. One of the bluebirds landed on a branch and the second followed, hopping closer to it almost nervously. The first tilted its head at it before taking off again. The lone bird chirped quietly.

"Sorry buddy," I said to the bluebird. "Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to."

It stared at me for several seconds before taking off and following its partner.

_What I wouldn't give to be a bird right now._

Their lives were probably so much easier. Sure, there was day-to-day survival and predators, but I had those too. At least bluebirds didn't have to play any mind games.

"Sarah!"

I looked down to see Ben waving at me from the ground. Was I really that high up?

"Dinner!" he yelled.

"Yeah!" I hollered down at him. "Give me a minute!"

I cast one last look at the pastel sky before ducking beneath the leaves and climbing down to earth.

* * *

Stuffing my fear of Peter Pan into a metaphorical garbage can took slightly less effort than last time. I wasn't sure if I should be worried or relieved. He didn't approach me at all the day after he threatened me but as soon as the sun rose the following morning he and his condescending smirk were back. Forcing myself to focus on his face or his hair to take my mind off of his words wasn't as easy as I thought but by the third time I felt like I was getting the hang of it. At least he didn't try to touch me again. However my job would have been much easier if that bastard just stopped bringing up _my last name._

It was always 'Peters this' and 'Peters that' and 'you need to accept that you're mine from birth, Sarah.' I felt like I was about to lose it again, but this time out of anger. I'd lasted several days in this dynamic but I wasn't sure how much more I could take. Pan was fraying my nerves like never before and yet I had to act more complacent than ever. The knots on my cord felt like spikes against my wrist every time he spoke to me. My hormones hadn't ceased toying with my brain but this time my logic had memories to fight with. Whenever he approached I was torn between wanting him to touch me and being afraid that he would inflict pain. The worry had faded some since that first day but every time he raised a hand in my direction I was still wary. Part of me suspected that he didn't bother to touch me not because he cared that I was scared of him but because I had gone several days without bathing. I couldn't tell anymore but I figured that I smelled pretty damn bad.

By the time lunch rolled around I wished I'd never gotten out of bed that morning. The situation with the WT was even worse than anyone anticipated (I blamed Pan). This was precisely the reason that I thought out dear leader lost his mind when he ordered Felix to march me to the lake.

"Um, isn't there the small problem of, you know, homicidal natives?"

"They won't be stationed where you're going."

_Stationed? What are they, soldiers? Oh god, I hope not._

I wanted to ask him if I was supposed to take his word for it but stopped myself in case his anger flared up again. Pan caught my near-slip and smirked at me in satisfaction.

Felix watched him with a serious expression. "Are you sure you should be doing this, Peter?"

"What," he laughed. "Making sure my Lost Girl actually looks like herself? Tired of her already, are you?"

"You know that's not what I meant," Felix said tersely.

"I know where they are. They won't know we're coming and we'll crush this before it gets out of hand."

Oh, shit. They really were going to fight. My head whipped around and I frantically searched for a familiar face in the crowd of armed Lost Boys.

_Ben_.

He was my only friend in this place and no way was he getting hurt. I wouldn't be able to survive here without him. I spotted him off to the side hefting a lethal-looking crossbow. That cheerful, fifteen-year old boy was going to fight. I felt sick.

Pan interrupted my thoughts. "Remember, Felix –"

He nodded. "Peter Pan never fails."

I stared between the two of them in bewilderment.

_Really? "Peter Pan never fails"? You can't be serious!_

"Something wrong?" Pan quirked an eyebrow at me.

_You're sending these children into a fight on blind faith in your own ego?! _

I clenched my fists. "No."

His mouth stretched into a devilish smile and he tugged on a lock of my hair. "Good girl. It's so nice when you don't question me."

_Yeah, this magical thing called my last name is binding me to you in a sublime union of celestial love._

Pan glanced back at Felix. "Don't take any new routes. I need you to stay out of the way as much as possible. Can't have my second in command dying on me, can I?"

"Of course, Peter."

It never ceased to amaze me how the silent and intelligent Felix could defer to Pan so easily.

"Should I go get my cloak, then?" I asked in defeat.

Sunshine nodded in the direction of my tent and I darted off.

_Oh god, Ben._

The two of them were still exchanging words by the time I came back but Pan left almost immediately after he saw me.

"I don't like this, Felix," I told him.

"Peter Pan never fails," he replied.

I desperately hoped that Ben would return safe and tried not to think about how the arrows I made would embed themselves in living human beings. We watched as the Lost Boys disappeared into the jungle, the air between us heavy with the expectation of worse things to come.

* * *

**[distant sounds of author's evil cackling] **

**Any of you feel like yelling at me/ sharing your opinions in the review box? **


	12. Chapter 12

**Unfortunately, I don't own OUaT. Wish I did though. **

**GiraffePanda2 - I actually never planned on killing Ben (HEHEHE) :) I'm glad you like our resident beam of forever unimpressed sunlight (as well as the rest of the story)! Feel free to request baked goods from a Lost Boy of your choice.  
Mimoliin - That's a relief - I always get worried about humor not translating properly D: And Ben isn't going anywhere, don't worry :P  
Hope Diamond - Oh my god I actually burst out laughing at your review. There really isn't any other way to describe him, is there? He's definitely an asshat.  
Thank you those of you who reviewed and favorited and all that good stuff - you guys give me warm fuzzies. :)**

**Enjoy, lovelies! **

* * *

"_Ben!_" I yelped and threw myself at the exhausted Lost Boy.

"Sarah wha- _oof!_"

I hugged Ben tightly, relieved beyond belief that he was alive. "Oh thank god you're okay!"

The rest of the Lost Boys trickled into camp around us.

"Nice to see you, too," he laughed and returned the hug loosely.

I realized I should probably let go and extracted myself from him. Other than a bleeding cut on his forehead and dirt in his hair, he didn't appear to be too badly harmed.

"You're not dizzy, are you?" I asked him immediately. "Not sleepy or anything? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Sarah stop, I'm fine." Ben pulled my hand down. "Nobody punched me in the face."

My brow furrowed. "Then how-?"

He shuffled uncomfortably. "Tree branch."

I stared at him for one, two, three seconds. "Oh my god!" I burst out laughing. "Seriously? You go to fight and the only wound you get is from a _tree_?"

"Shhh!" he hissed. "The others don't know!"

My relief at his safety and the comical expression on his face only made me laugh harder. I wiped my eyes just as another disgruntled boy passed us.

"How're you doing, Andrew?" I asked him.

"Fine," he muttered.

Ben watched as he left with an amused expression. "Don't worry, he's always like that."

"I'm beginning to see that, yeah." I paused. "Where's Pan?"

More boys came shuffling in but their leader was nowhere in sight. A jolt of worry ran through my spine and I was too surprised to stuff it down. Was I really so used to him after two and a half weeks that I was _worried_ about him being missing?

_Well, yeah. If he's gone then this place would descend into absolute anarchy if Felix doesn't act quickly._

My worry fizzled out at the prospect of Felix being the leader of the Lost Boys. Life would no doubt be smoother and I might finally get a chance to acquire some magic and go home. It would take a long time to achieve that kind of stability but –

My excitement was cut short as I spotted a figure clad in green making its way through the trees. I exhaled. He was alive.

Pan didn't stop to talk to anybody and appeared to be picking at the cuffs on his wrists. He was so preoccupied that he didn't even acknowledge the boys as he passed them. I frowned and followed him.

_I'm going to regret this._

We walked to the largest tree in the campsite where Pan stopped without turning around.

"What is it, Sarah?" He sounded exhausted.

My frown deepened. It must have been some fight if the Lost Boys were mostly unharmed and he was visibly drained like this.

I watched him carefully. "Dare I ask how it went?"

_You didn't kill all the WT, did you? I need their magic to go home._

Pan shrugged and turned around, his face composed and showing only faint signs of his fatigue. "They should know better than to break our deals."

He leaned back against the tree and winced, reaching up to touch his chest.

_Oh my god._

A bloody gash stretched from his left shoulder all the way to the center of his stomach. I could see a faint sliver of blood peeking through the tears of his shirt.

"You don't faint at the sight of blood, do you?" he asked absently. "That would be highly inconvenient."

"I got that cut, remember?" was all that I could manage as I stared at his chest.

Now that I had actually followed him I had absolutely no idea what to do. Pan gingerly touched the hole in his shirt. The garment looked like it was about to fall apart at any moment. He frowned and inspected his wound.

"Do you need to get stitches or somethi-" my voice died in my throat as I stared at him in astonishment.

He was clenching his jaw and supporting all of his weight against the giant roots of the tree but the gash on his chest was slowly closing.

"You can heal yourself?" I stuttered.

Pan looked up at me and smirked, all traces of his tired expression gone. "Of course I can. You remember who I am, don't you?"

His knuckles were too pale for me to believe that he was completely fine and despite his charade he sagged further against the tree.

"Yeah," I muttered, too preoccupied to put force into my insult. "A pompous maniac."

_If the natives can do _this_ to Pan then they would either vaporize me on the spot or be able to send me home in thirty seconds flat. _

He ignored my comment and continued picking at the hole in his shirt. I briefly wondered if he was too weak to fix it but the color had started to come back to his cheeks and he sat up straighter.

_So they gave him some kind of special wound, then._ _Was he too preoccupied with getting the Lost Boys back here to fix it earlier? _

I gestured at his shirt. "Why don't you just, you know. Magic it together?"

"Magic isn't always the solution."

"Cryptic," I scoffed, comfortable with being snarky now that he was starting to return to his former self. "But seriously. You just healed yourself and you're telling me that you honestly can't even fix your own _clothes_?"

"If it was that easy don't you think I would be dressed better?" He asked tiredly.

_Hopefully he's still too exhausted to hit on me because otherwise this is going to go south faster than a bullet train. _

"Come on." I sighed and held my hand out. "Conjure me up a needle and string or something."

Pan raised an eyebrow but the requested objects materialized on a boulder next to me.

"Thank you," I muttered, moving to collect them. I'd finally managed to get the thread though the hole in the impossibly tiny needle when a pile of green cloth was deposited under my nose. My eyes widened. He was wearing _that_?

"Who does these?" I demanded. "This stitching is so shitty it's a wonder this thing still holds together."

I grabbed the rag of a shirt and gestured with it for emphasis.

"Seriously Pan, how do you even expect it to not fall apart when you -" my voice died in my throat as heat rushed to my face.

Pan looked highly amused.

"You're-" I squeaked. _Hot. Attractive. Gorgeous. Not wearing a shirt. _

"What?" He bared his teeth in a smile, raising an eyebrow again. "You weren't going to sew it back together with me still wearing it, were you?"

I gawked at his chest, my eyes roaming over endless pale skin and lean but defined muscles, not a single scar marking his torso. My gaze dropped to the sharp v at his hips.

"I- I-" _I can't believe he's been hiding _that_ under those rags… _

"My eyes are up here, Sarah," Pan tapped his temple, smirking viciously. "And since you think you can do so much better, finish that –" he pointed to the shirt I was holding- "by sundown." He left, an unspoken threat hanging in the air.

Shakily lowering myself onto a rock, I willed the image of a bare-chested Peter Pan to vanish from my eyelids but it must have been permanently imprinted there. I'd always found him attractive but this was certainly taking things to a new level. I fervently hoped he wouldn't be walking around like that for long because my self-control wouldn't be able to take the pressure.

As I stared at the cloth in my hands, part of me wondered if I could prolong his shirtlessness by taking an unnecessarily long time to repair the damage. But Pan seemed convinced that I would surrender to my desires, and no way was I letting him have the satisfaction… right? His shirtless form materialized in my vision again and I felt my mind go hazy. How high were the stakes in our standoff anyway? It was only a matter of time before he won and aside from my pride, I didn't have that much to lose. Giving in couldn't be _that_ bad if his body was the prize.

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. "I am so screwed."

* * *

Pan's idea of entertainment was… bizarre.

"You all look like a bunch of idiots," I said to Ben.

"We're not that bad!"

Andrew did a particularly fast spin and nearly fell over by tripping over his own feet. I gave Ben a pointed look.

The two of us sat some distance away from the chaos going on around the campfire. Dozens of Lost Boys were jumping around the flames and hooting and shouting while another handful sat around playing various kinds of drums. Pan sat right in the center of the spinning ring, dangerously close to the flames for any normal human being. I hoped his pants caught on fire.

My mind immediately went to the next logical step of him taking his pants _off_ and I squeaked, slapping myself to get rid of the mental image. The slap would also help hide my blush.

Ben looked at me like I was insane. "And you say we're the idiots."

"Potatoes."

"No, come on!" He covered his face with his hands in horror. "I told you not to bring that up! That was an awful dream."

I shrugged.

Ben glared at me. "It'll take me half an hour just to get that out of my head."

"Well now you know how I feel," I muttered.

At least Pan was fully dressed now (I was equally relieved and disappointed) because his bare chest made my brain screech to a complete halt. I was a blushing mess when I gave his shirt back to him shortly before this insanity that he called a party started. Now here I was two hours later, bored and imagining him all over me.

I didn't mind the imagining so much as I minded how vulnerable it made me to his advances.

"Thanks to you, I now have to go join everybody else," Ben said and stood up. "I see no other way to forget that nightmare."

I wished my own nightmare were as simple as a potato. Judging by Ben's grimace, however, mine was far less traumatizing. If only I could ask the WT to turn Pan into a potato and be done with all of my problems…

_Potato Pan_.

I dissolved into laughter and nearly fell off the stump I was sitting on. Ben had long since left and I could see him jumping around the campfire with the other boys. Pan left his makeshift throne and seemed to be looking for something in a pile of cloaks several feet to my left. He really had a nice physique…

"Enjoying the view, Peters?" he asked with a smirk.

_Yes._

"You have dirt on your face."

He scowled. I silently thanked the firelight for obscuring my blush. Pan finally found what he was looking for and leaned against a nearby tree.

_You have to be joking._

It was a pan flute.

_I could make so many jokes from his name alone and now he gives me _this_? He's a living pun! _

I shook my head in amusement. _Me and him both. 'Peters & Pan' sounds like some sort of 90s sitcom about Disney movies gone horribly wrong._

I watched as Pan raised the flute to his lips and blew a note. I couldn't tell what he was playing though; it was much too quiet for me to hear. If I thought the campfire was hectic before it was nothing compared to the ruckus going on now. As soon as Pan began to play his silent tune the Lost Boys became infused with new energy and danced around the campfire even more wildly. I wouldn't call it dancing though – it looked a little more like flailing or something you'd see at a middle school dance.

I regarded the spectacle with a mixture of fear and distaste and considered moving closer to Pan so I would at least have something pleasant to listen to. I shot him a sideways glance only to find him watching me curiously. What, was I weird because I wasn't acting like a deranged flamingo? He continued playing as we stared at each other in awkward confusion. I didn't know why he was frowning and he didn't look like he knew the reason for my quizzical expression, either. He turned his gaze back to the boys. I wondered how I could get closer to Pan as inconspicuously as possible when Felix came to stand next to him. Pan stopped playing.

"Don't feel like joining in, Felix?"

I watched their interaction with interest.

"They have more cause than I do."

Pan sighed. "You're not still upset that I didn't let you come with us, are you? Because that was for your own safety."

The corner of Felix's mouth twitched upwards but Pan didn't see it. I stifled a grin. Felix wasn't upset at all - he was merely acting like it. No one in their right mind would want to walk into the middle of a brawl.

_You go, Sunshine. _

"You should keep playing," Felix said. "They look like they need a little something."

Pan raised the flute to his lips again and I watched in wonder as the energy level around the campfire went up another notch. How-?

_Hang on, can they hear that thing? _

I frowned.

_Is it some magic pipe that only works on guys?_

I turned back to Pan and Felix only to find both of them staring at me this time. I gave a quizzical wave and they exchanged glances.

"Can I help you?" I asked carefully.

Felix looked at me. "You can't hear it, can you." It wasn't a question.

"Apparently not," I eyed the pipe warily. "Care to explain why?"

Pan sat down next to me and kept playing. I tried not to stare at his lips as they hovered over the instrument.

Forcing my gaze back to Felix, I raised my hands in an expectant "Well?"

"Do you love your family?"

I stared at him. "What kind of question is that?"

"Do you feel that they love you?"

What was this, therapy hour?

"…Yes? We never really had any problems after I got out of my mental teenage hellhole."

Pan stopped playing. "Then that's why."

I felt like I was missing something glaringly obvious. "I don't get it."

He caught himself halfway through rolling his eyes. "Only those who feel unloved by their families can hear this pipe."

I had to consciously stop my mouth from falling open. "So you're like… Like some sort of Peter Pan and Pied Piper hybrid?" I frowned. "Except without the rats."

I was doing a lot of frowning today, it seemed.

Pan looked at me like I was crazy before composing himself and saying, "If that helps, yes."

I exhaled. "Wow. Hang on. Why isn't Felix dancing, then?"

"Let's just say I have more self control than most," Felix drawled.

_Yeah, I got that from how you deal with me on a daily basis._

Pan glanced at him with something eerily close to pride. "That's why he's my right hand man, aren't you Felix?"

"Why?" I asked. "Because he's the one who's most likely to be able to usurp you?"

I couldn't help but feel that I said something very, very wrong as the two of them leveled their steely gazes on me. Time to put that verbal filter to work.

_Don't get him mad, don't get him mad. _

"I'm gonna go for a walk," I blurted and dashed into the trees.

Once I was far away enough that the campfire was only a glowing ember in the foliage I sagged against a tree and ran my hands over my face.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid. Do you want to get yourself killed?"

One more slip like that and I wasn't sure Pan would even want me around for purely physical purposes. I lowered myself onto a log and listened to the rustling wind and the shouts of the Lost Boys, wishing this was just another camping trip with Will or my family. I would get back to them. I would. Now that I knew how powerful the natives were there was a real chance that I could convince them to send me back.

"Why didn't you join us?"

I jumped. "Jesus, Ben! Are you _trying_ to act like Pan?"

He had the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry."

"It's fine," I sighed and waved for him to sit down. "I think I just pissed him off, actually."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah. I may or may not have implied that Felix had the means to overthrow him."

"You did _what_?" Ben stared at me with wide eyes.

"Yeah, I'm starting to realize that too," I gestured at his bewildered face.

He shook his head, adopting a serious expression that made him look years older. "You need to be more careful."

"I _am_ careful! He's just a fucking difficult person to live with!"

"I'm startin' to see that," he said. "But only if you're a girl."

"What, so life for you is all rainbows and dandelions?"

Ben snorted. "At least we don't have to worry about, well, y'know." His face turned red and just like that, he reverted back to his fifteen-year-old self.

I grinned at his embarrassed blush. "You can say it, you know. It's not as taboo as you might think."

He looked like he was trying to keep a straight face. "Bedroom things."

"Ben!" I giggled. "Sex. That's the word. Come on, say it."

"_No._"

"Fine, be an innocent baby." I chewed on my lip and glanced at the cut on his forehead. "I've been meaning to ask you this but then Pan happened so I never really got the time…"

"What?"

"Is everybody okay? I mean, who – who's missing?"

His eyes widened in understanding. "Oh. No one, actually. We were pretty lucky."

I found that hard to believe. "No one? Pan comes back all bloodied and you're saying that _no one else _was hurt?"

He frowned. "We realized pretty quickly that they only really wanted Pan. They didn't even bother to touch the rest of us."

"Makes sense, I guess," I said slowly. "I mean, Pan has the seat of power on the island. Eliminate him and the Lost Boys have no leader. Of course there's Felix but he doesn't have any magic. Also he just seems like a much more reasonable diplomat."

Ben shrugged and ruffled his short blond hair absently. "Probably."

I turned the cord wrapped around my wrist in thought.

"Why d'you keep fiddling with that thing?" He gestured to my hands.

"Oh." I blinked. "Um, just helps me not freak out, I guess. Keeps time."

Neverland's ability to keep its inhabitants ageless had really started screwing with my sense of time. I felt like I'd been there for my entire life but no one seemed a day older and my brain kept telling me that it couldn't have been longer than a week. I kept tying new knots each day but I had long since stopped counting them after crying two nights in a row. I took a deep breath and ran my fingers over the ties in the cord. Twenty-one.

My stomach dropped.

_Three weeks_… _Three fucking weeks I've been stuck with this bastard._

I was about to vent my frustration with a few choice words when an oddly uplifting thought hit me.

_So I've been stuck here for three weeks and Peter Pan still can't manage to get himself laid. _I snorted. _He must have less game than he anticipated. _

"Something funny, Sarah?"

I squeaked in surprise. All I had to do was think about him and lo and behold, our horny leader himself would appear. I tried to stifle my laughter but Pan's raised eyebrow and expectant expression made it impossible. He sat down next to me.

_Here we go…_ _Keep it together, Sarah._

"Nothing, Pan, it's fine."

Pan must've trained one of his patented 'cold-blooded murderer' looks on Ben because he scampered off without a word. My mood soured.

"Come to chase off the few people that actually talk to me?" I asked testily. Everyone else was at the campfire so the small grove where Pan and I sat was otherwise deserted.

He plastered an innocent look on his face. "_I_ talk to you."

"Save it, Pan. Monopolizing my time won't get me into your bed."

_Walking around shirtless just might, though._

"Maybe not," he conceded, resting his elbows on his knees and propping his chin up on his fist. "But it will make it more difficult for you to deny your desires." I didn't miss the mockingly sly look he sent my way.

_Here we go again_.

"Really, dude," I rolled my eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not interested before it gets though that egotistical skull of yours?"

I was about to stand up and leave him there when I felt warm breath on my cheek. My body froze as my mental functions came to a standstill.

_Shit. _

"But we both know that isn't true," Pan murmured in my ear, shifting himself closer so he could brush my hair over my shoulder. His breath warmed my neck. "You can't keep your eyes off me."

_Double shit_.

His free hand wound around my waist. "Oh yes, I've seen you staring."

"Get off," I said weakly, making no move to free myself.

Pan placed two fingers on my chin and turned my head to face him. I stared at his nose and tried to control my shaky breathing, determined to ignore how his fingertips burned into my skin. I had almost reeled myself in when his thumb brushed my lower lip. My self-control evaporated and I stared at his mouth, lips parting in anticipation. Pan leaned in until our mouths were almost touching and I longed for him to close the hair's breadth of space between our lips. His hand imprinted delicious warmth on my waist and I wondered if he could hear my heartbeat, _kiss me - kiss me - kiss me_. The only thing I could feel was Pan and our mingled breaths as I waited for an impossibly long time for him to lean forward.

He pulled away suddenly, letting go of me and standing up. The rush of cold air startled me and I looked up just in time to see him mutter, "Have it your way, then," and stalk off.

I stared into space for a long minute, trying to get my thoughts together and missing the intimacy of the moment. He'd been so close…

I froze in an unpleasant mix of hormones, horror, and self-disappointment. I'd surrendered to him completely. I lost this nightmare of a game and he didn't even know.

_Oh god. He didn't do anything because he was waiting for me to kiss him. _

Reality crashed over my head like a bucket of ice water, leaving me even more confused than before. I was too absorbed in Pan to realize that he wanted more than surrender. He wanted me to make the first move and in doing so, give myself to him. I groaned in frustration.

_When will he drop his obsession of owning me? _

* * *

**I could say I'm sorry but that would be a lie. Feel free to yell at me if you so wish. **


End file.
